Summer Rain
by kadeccasinclair
Summary: Maya and Lucas were fire. They lit each other up and ignited the excitement in each other but eventually, fire burns out and the ashes are left wondering where the summer rain is. The summer rain was left behind too long ago and burned alongside fire.
1. Chapter 1

Riley Matthews knew that Maya and Lucas had something. She knew that the way that Lucas looked at Maya was completely different than the way he looked at her and that the teasing was undoubtedly qualified as flirting. She knew that Lucas could make Maya happy and that she could make him the happiest guy in the world. She knew that Maya was always better than her at everything but the thought never crossed her mind that perhaps, Maya would betray her.

Riley wished she could be that faithful best friend who would just be happy for Maya who had never really had anything to begin with but she couldn't. Riley couldn't say that she was okay with Maya and Lucas, half of her friend group, dating because she was so hopelessly in love with Lucas. Of course she wanted her best friend to be happy, but she had hoped all along that maybe Maya would make the decision she wanted her to make. She had been wishing the same wish every year since seventh grade, and now it was her senior year of high school.

Over the years, something had changed. Maya and Lucas suddenly became more forward with each other and more physical, and that itself made Riley want to curl up in a ball and scream in frustration. Aside from those two, the group dynamic and the individuals inside of it had completely evolved. Farkle had began to date Smackle, who now went by her birth name of Isabella, but he always made sure that he had time for Riley. Somehow, he had known just how hard it was on her to see Maya and Lucas so close.

As for Riley, she had became a fiery ball of potential. In eighth grade, she had developed her passion for gender inequality activism and had practically turned her life around from the dreary imagination it used to be. Her grades significantly improved as she began to make an effort, and by senior year she had already completed all her credits, qualified for sixteen volunteer hour and academic scholarships, was taking additional college credit classes to ensure that she would get a head start over other students in college, and was expecting acceptance letters the week after. Her activism created a movement as she spoke her opinions on her own blog and it became an important anonymous hotspot for those with access to internet. She raised money there and created projects overseas that she would set up to provide accessibility to girls in different areas. Riley's favorite project by far was setting up tablets in different refugee communities so that those looking for shelter could communicate with their loved ones as well as with her. Her talent of "fixing things" had somehow translated to an impossible talent of installing hope, optimism, and beauty into young girls who found their life miserable and hapless. So far, she had completed three overseas projects and was set to attend the United Nations Women's Conference as a speaker. In other words, she had become extraordinary.

But she didn't want to be extraordinary if that meant that her social life and the love of her life and best friend would be loss in the tangle. The worst part was that it already felt as if she had lost Maya.

Everyone loved Maya and no one ever cared about her. Boys had used her just to get to Maya and not once had Lucas nor her own best friend comforted her or assured her that she was perfect the way she was. They both seemed so distant as of late, and Riley had a sneaking suspicion of why they were pulling away. When it came down to it, Lucas would always choose what ignited him rather than the soft summer rain that loved him more than anything. Everyone chose Maya.

That led Riley up to this point. The point where her jaw was dropped with a million spikes of hurt tingling every part of her body because even though she had heard that Maya could possibly betray her, she never thought that the day would come.

She never thought that the day would come when she truly saw her perfect best friend kissing the guy that of her dreams.

* * *

Somehow she keeps tears from falling down her face and simply clears her throat. She wants her face to be happy and she wants to show that she's glad that they found each other but she can't even do that. All Riley feels is pain, betrayal, hurt, and the awful truth that no one will ever want her if they have Maya. The one guy who had actually wanted Riley for her own self turned out to be Lucas's enemy from Texas who he had made her reject and now, she had no one.

Lucas is the first to turn around. His eyes are wide and there is so much guilt and regret in them that she wants to forgive him in an instant, but she can't. Maybe if they outright told her instead of creeping around secretively, she would have felt less hurt but they didn't. What hurt the most wasn't the kiss but the fact that her best friend and the love of her life didn't trust her and they both were clearly acknowledging the fact that she wasn't wanted.

When Maya snapped around, her face was terrified.

The dream of going to NYU, all of the four of them, vanished into thin air, ripped apart by the fire that Lucas and Maya couldn't help but ignite.

Riley just shook her head slowly, the absent smile turning into a pained one. She knows that she should have never gotten her hopes up and that her belief in humanity is the most screwed up and miserable thing that's ever been because if she can't even trust the loyal Texan and her best friend, why should she have faith? Why does she have to smile even if she doesn't feel happy?

More than anything, Riley just felt numb and that realization pains her. It was as if every cell in her body was expecting the betrayal except for her own brain that had refused to let the idea seep in.

"Riley, I-," Maya tried to move to her but Riley just took a step back. The two most loyal people she knew...they deserved each other and she shouldn't get in the way but didn't she have the right to be mad? "Please, Riley, we're best friends."

Maya pleaded, her voice wavering and begging, but none of the pain registered on the scale that Riley felt. "Best friends?" Her voice was filled with disbelief and suppressed hurt. "I didn't know bestfriends kissed the other's crush of years. I didn't know that best friends gave false advice to let go just because they were selfish and pretentious people that only cared for herself."  
"I didn't know bestfriends used each other the way you played me." Riley spat, her voice cold. She didn't even recognize her own self nor the words that she was spewing from her mouth. The worst thing was that the words were true and none of the three kids in that lonely hallway would contradict her.

Lucas just stood motionless, his expression pained and his eyes bearing into Riley's. Maya looked at him expectantly as if wanting him to speak up, and his mind scattered for words to say. He couldn't protect Maya because he frankly couldn't even protect himself from Riley's hurt face. He couldn't help but feel guilty that he had done this, he had hurt the girl that he loved more than his girlfriend. His girlfriend made his heart race but the girl that used to smile every hour of the day...she made him feel amazing and as if he could do anything. She had fueled the best in him and this? This was far from the best. His emotions were running high and somewhere along the conversation he just wanted to become the victim again, not the perpetrator. His next words weren't even true, but he just wanted to lessen the pain he himself was feeling.

"Don't talk about Maya like that."

Riley's eyebrow raised challengingly. Her body was already shaking badly and it was obvious that she was trying to hide her emotions, something she had gotten really good at after she had met Seth, Lucas's longtime nemesis.

"What are you going to do about it, _cowboy_?" He couldn't recognize Riley and he knew that he was a part of what made her turn into this creature here, hellbent on hurting everyone around her. That channeled the fuel in him and burned anger into him in a way only she could.

He moved forward until he was almost right in front of her. "What do you want to know? That Maya and I have been dating for the last three weeks and that even Farkle knew but he didn't tell you? That Maya and I have a passion for each other that's undeniable and something we never had?" He knew that his mouth should stop talking because at this point, all he wanted to do was hurt Riley, but he couldn't. "Stop playing the victim in this and admit that you're insufficiency led us up to this and that the only reason why we didn't tell you was because we knew that poor stupid Riley who can't do a single thing right would be hurt."

Riley's eyes widened and the cold facade she wore cracked. Lucas knew all of her insecurities, and he was exposing each and every one of them in front of her. For once in her life, she was terrified of Lucas.

He wanted to stop right there and his heart clenched at the sight of Riley's eyes, but the Texas Lucas tended to come out at the worst points. Without Riley to control him for the past few weeks, him and Maya had spiraled out of control.

"Lucas-," Maya said from the back of the hallway, her tone horrified, but he cut her off as he advanced to Riley, jabbing a hard finger at her. He pushed her back and back until she was practically scrambling to _just get the hell away from him_.

"Well let me tell you this. Maya is better than you ever will be. Those five or so guys that wanted to date you? All of them wanted to get to Maya because no one will ever like you. You're just a step and you'll get trampled on so many times because you will never be good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough. Go to hell, Riley Matthews."

The angry hold on Lucas faded away and he immediately reached out apologetically with apologies stammering in his mouth, but he stopped as he saw Riley. He saw the flash of terror in her eyes, the fear of him, and watched her quickly hide it. When had she ever gotten that good at hiding her emotions?

"I'm already there."


	2. Chapter 2

Riley left afterwards, her quiet words resonating herself and Lucas who's face was filled with shock.

" _I'm not afraid. I wouldn't ever be afraid of you, Lucas. I know that even if everything goes wrong, you wouldn't hurt me."_

" _How do you know that?"_

" _You once told me that there are moments in your life you are going to remember forever. Here's what I say. Those defining moments solidify what I know about people and they measure the amount of faith I have in them. You, Lucas._

" _I have the most faith in you."_

The hallways were quiet on the Saturday morning as the only students even at school were those helping to plan the annual Seniors University Send-Off Gala. All the excitement and hype she had generated for her fellow classmates and herself was ruined the second she saw the person she had hoped to be her date kissing the person she wished would go dress shopping with her. The University Send-Off Gala was in two weeks, so most people would already have their university acceptance letters in hand. Those going to the same area for post-high school education or the same university tended to meet with each other to get to know one another while also serving as a surreal dose of reality.

Now that Riley knew that she had nothing holding her (potentially) back except for her other friends such as Farkle and Zay, whom she had gotten quite close with over the years, and that no one really needed her around, she could pursue the happiness she sought in her activism. The New York Times had published an article about her and Riley had already been featured on Time's Most Influential Youths. Riley had already received thousands of dollars in offers from Free the Children and was set to do an internship at the United Nations over the summer and for every summer while she attended college with a partial sum of money from the organization. Her ability as a public speaker was crucial, and more so she was beginning to express her interest in economics, a field rare among most women. She wanted to influence girls to follow her path of indifference. Her lifelong dream was to create a free seminar for girls to learn how to buy stocks and invest as a sort of income.

Originally, Riley and Maya had planned on attending NYU (if Maya got in with her grades that had tanked tremendously when three weeks ago which Riley could now credit to Lucas and her own toxic relationship) since it was one of the only top universities Maya had applied to despite the fact that the economics-business program there wasn't as good as Riley's dream schools. Riley had already been accepted to Rice University and Harvard as well as scatters of other schools with half to full scholarship, but she hadn't considered that she could go. She had always been too worried about how Maya would fair off, and now she that knew she that she already had a certain person not to be named to take care of Maya, Riley was glad. She could look forward to (hopefully) an acceptance from University of Illinois's prestigious economic school or choose Rice's full scholarship since her family didn't have enough money to pay for the expensive tuition.

It had to be a good thing for Riley to see Maya and Lucas together. Perhaps it was the universe's way of telling her that she needed to forget them-

"Riley?"

She blinked slowly and took in the sight in front of her. Riley had walked a far way from the freshman locker hall where her heart had been broken and thrown on the ground. She was now almost to the science classrooms filled with banners and devoid of human presence except for Seth. She wanted to walk away from him like Lucas had told her to two weeks ago but everything had already changed. Riley didn't have to be burdened by Lucas anymore and she sure as hell didn't have to listen to him. It was time to live a little for a change and experience life outside of the stupid crush she had.

When she looked into his gray eyes, she broke. Seth's usual player smirk was gone and the look on his face was filled with genuine concern. Her face must've been more expressive than she had meant for it to be.

"Are you okay?"

His voice echoed throughout the hall and into her heart. It had been so long since someone had asked the question besides Farkle and the occasional Zay. It had been so long since someone had cared enough and had seen through her.

Her body began to shudder and she could feel the sobs pressing to push out of her burdened stature. She was literally shaking in the middle of the hallway and expressing so much weakness...weakness that she had always been called out on.

Warm arms wrapped around her arms and, for a spare second, she thought that maybe they belonged to the green eyed boy who had stolen her heart since the second she had seen him on the subway. She thought and she hoped only to look up and see the tender gray eyes. She wished she could love Seth, but her heart had different ideas...ideas that were unattainable simply because what Lucas said was true. She wasn't Maya, and she couldn't be Maya no matter how hard she tried.

She broke down, sobbing her heart out. Every ounce of pain, every ounce of betrayal, and every ounce of hurt poured from her as Seth. She wrapped him closer and he a faint tune in her ear that did nothing to calm her cries. Even he knew that only time and only time could fix the wounds on her heart.

Lucas dashed up the stairs leaving a crying Maya by the lockers. He knew that she was alone here and an unstable Riley could lead to many things, none of them being good. Lucas wanted to apologize for everything and for screwing up his beloved relationship with Riley and protect her more than anything...but if he had, then why would he say such hurtful things to her?

It was the Texas Lucas emerging from him in those moments, he concluded. Somehow, with her gentle touches and quiet mutters, Riley could calm down that side of him. It hid in the shadows, promising never to hurt her. Until today.

Maya and him brought out the worst in each other. They had used each other to take their minds off of Josh and Riley, and had ignited each other. Now, he was left wondering what he could do to get back the summer rain. He knew that Riley loved him and he knew that he loved her too-

Lucas heard heart wrenching sounds coming from the cafeteria entrance. He rushed faster and faster, muttering incomprehensible words to himself. He had to get his princess. Not too long ago she had been bullied and beaten to the ground, and now this happened. Lucas had to help her, to save her.

He stopped short when he saw Riley. She wasn't alone.

Seth freaking Robertson had Riley tucked in his arms as if she was his. Worst yet, her hands were pulling around him so tight that he could've just had no air to breath. His hand was stroking her hair and he was humming in her ear as she released horrible sobs. Her back was to him.

Part of Lucas knew that this was his fault, that he had pushed Riley to Seth, but he couldn't help but feel jealous and protective. Lucas knew what Seth had done to girls back in Texas and, now that he was here and just so coincidentally took a liking to Riley, Lucas was determined to not let it happen to Riley. But...she just seemed so broken and she wouldn't listen to him anyways at this point.

Seth's eyes met Lucas's and the two exchanged a glare before Seth's mouth quirked upwards. "Too late," Seth mouthed, smirking as he pointed to the unsuspecting Riley.


	3. Chapter 3

**PLEASE READ**

 **Hey guys...so I got a few negative comments. I appreciate the feedback and all, I truly do because it only makes me better as I go through my first semi-successful writing piece, but I wanted to clear up a potential misunderstanding. Lucas and Maya are** ** _not_** **bad people and Riley is** ** _not_** **going to be vengeful in this story. In fact, Riley will become more supportive and accepting towards the relationship but I felt that it's only natural for a girl to react this way. She has the right to be mad as she feels as if Maya played her with all her "advice" about Lucas. Riley is hurt and she's liked Lucas for years by the time the story takes place, therefore it's really a blow. I felt as if the only realistic situation would be for her to get mad and, since she doesn't really have that big of a friend group, the person she seeks comfort in would be Seth who's always tried to be there for her. Again, Maya isn't mean or anything. She's just too afraid of losing Riley and simply because she couldn't ignore the passion between her and Lucas. She doesn't speak because she** ** _can't._** **As for Lucas...I've had personal experience with guilt and I know it can bring out the absolute worse in you. I tried to display it in a realistic way as well, with Lucas realizing that maybe his Texas days aren't over. He's done so much to leave those days behind but now that he realizes that he hurt Riley, he finds that he is acting more and more like the Lucas he used to be and that makes him hurt and guilty at the same time. He's searching for justification, in other words. Again, I apologize if I portrayed them as bad characters but I promise that if you just give me time, I will start to unmask everything. I wrote chapter 3 before I got these comments and I can assure you that it was my sole intention to keep Maya and Lucas as the precious angels they are. But no one's perfect.**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Kadecca Sinclair**

 **COMMENT ADDITIONAL SHIPS**

Riley sat down on the little balcony area in her room. She remembered all those beautiful times that Maya and her had there, all the cherished moments years in the making. Maybe Maya had made a mistake but...Riley herself had been selfish enough to hold Maya and Lucas from each other.

She wanted to hold a grudge to be honest. Holding a grudge would make letting go and protecting herself so much easier, but her own self was just incapable of doing so. All those years with Maya were beautiful and Riley couldn't bring herself to disregard that all for a guy. Yes, maybe he was one of her closest friends, but still. It was Riley and Maya to the end.

Riley's phone buzzed and, as if prompted by some spirit above, Maya's face appeared on her phone. It was one of Riley's favorite pictures with both her and Maya caught in a perfect embrace way back in the fourth grade. Those days were so simple.

Riley took a deep breath, focusing on what she had been telling herself before. Forgive and move on. That was the way life had to go on. She had told girls all the way in Syria that a million times and over, but she couldn't find the resonance in her own words.

* * *

"Hello?" A pregnant paused passed over the scratchy connection. Neither one of the girls were breathing at that point.

Maya sighed noticeably with her fingers shaking nervously. She knew she had messed up. "Riley, I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be." Maya's heart dropped. She knew with all of her heart that Riley was trying to be genuine for Maya's own sake, but as her best friend of more than a decade, she knew when Riley was lying. She was definitely lying.

"Riley-"

"I'm the one that should be sorry." Panic rose in Maya's chest. Riley was going about this all wrong. She was supposed to yell at her and pound her until Maya was just a little speck. Hell, everything would be easy if Riley, who had always been too good for her to begin with, just realized that she could do so much better than Maya.

Maya had finally broke and snapped after she heard Josh talking about his new girlfriend, Rachel. Riley wasn't the only one who had been hopelessly in love for the past few years. She had broken down as just a few days before Josh had hinted that something could happen between the two. He had led her on so hard, and she was crushed as a result.

Lucas was there.

He comforted her while Riley was out of town and, in the heat of the moment, something ignited between the two of them. He made her laugh and took her mind off all the things that Josh had done towards her. Lucas...he was truly the perfect distraction but, Maya realized, he never had been anything else.

And now, Riley thought that she had messed things up between the two of them and that she had just hindered them. This mess that she got herself into was crumbling herself apart. She had promised Riley so long ago that at the end of the road, it'd be the two of them but she couldn't even keep her hands off of the guy who she had liked for years. Her mom had been right. She was so lucky to have a friend like Riley.

"Look, Riley. Lucas and I-"

"Lucas and you need to stay together."

Maya's world toppled upside down. That was not what she had in mind when she visualized her conversation with Riley. Yes, maybe Riley was the nicest girl she had ever met but everyone had a breaking point. Maya had assumed that this would be the thing to make Riley finally blow up, to make her do something detrimental towards Maya.

Except she wasn't.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for calling you names-"

"Riley, it's okay!" Maya pleaded, trying to calm her best friend's sputters before Riley would say something that she would regret.

Riley's voice became more frantic. "No it's not! I doubted you when I should have been congratulating you two! That seventh grade class was right. You two need each other."

Maya could practically hear the point when Riley succumbed completely. The thing with Riley was that, if she said it enough, anything she said would become the truth for herself.

 _Don't. Don't say it._

"I've accepted that you two are together and there's really nothing to forgive. In a few months, we'll be off to university and I don't want to lose you or Lucas. As long as I can be in your life...I'm okay with just being his friend."

Riley chuckled a weak laugh. Maya slumped down. Her friend was trying really hard, she could tell, but the truth was that none of it would help. At the end of the day, Maya was still just as guilty as she was to begin with. At the end of the day, she was as hung up over Josh as she was the day that Lucas. At the end of the day, she knew that even though Riley was assuring her that she hadn't lost her...something had changed between the two of them no matter how hard Riley would try to fix it.

"I don't even like him as much as you do! Riley, I know you still like him. Probably more than ever. Please, Riley, listen to me! I might call him cowboy, but he's _your_ cowboy and I was wrong to take him to begin with. I…" Maya stuttered. "I still like your Uncle Josh! Listen, Riley. I don't love him. But you do."

For once in her life, Maya Hart was unable to come up with the right words. She was panicked. Even while they were dating, Maya had still seen the way that Lucas and her looked at each other. She might not have liked it, but that didn't mean that she was blind. Maya would fix things with Lucas. Dammit, she'd even kiss Zay if it meant that she'd get back her friend.

Riley let out a small, gentle laugh. "I don't deserve him, frankly. After today, I don't know if I even like him anymore. Or even if I do...maybe I don't want to."

Maya ran her fingers through her thick blonde hair. No. She hated this with a fiery passion. This was her senior year and maybe she'd simply be an elementary art teacher when she graduated, but this was her year. Her "gang" was here and she wasn't going to let this screw it all up.

"Riley-"

"Listen, Maya, I've got to go." Riley said. Her voice was so soft that Maya would have never even expected for her to be upset if not for that scarily terrifying scene in the hallway. Maya was still holding a grudge over Ranger Rick on that but...he just looked so crushed when he walked to his car and she didn't have the heart to yell at him.

Maya scoffed. "You don't have anywhere to go. It's a Saturday."

"Actually," Riley paused, "I do. Bye, Maya."

A tear ran down both of their cheeks at the same time, hundreds of feet apart from one another. When it came down to it, they were still best friends but everything had changed. Something had withered and snapped and no one knew what would happen.

"Please." Maya whispered to nobody in particular.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Thanks for your amazing reviews. It's really motivating me to write more and more. This chapter, I wanted to focus more on the fallout of Lucas and Riley. By the way, I've gotten a few asks about whether this is Lucaya or Rucas and honestly...well I thought I wanted this to be Rucas but now that I introduced Seth and everyone, I'm not quite sure. Tell me which one you want in the comments but I'm honestly leaning more towards Rucas as this point.**

 **(Extra points if you can get the reference to Seth in this chapter :) )**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Kadecca**

Riley took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Despite the fact that she was in senior year already, she still felt naked whenever she didn't have Maya with her in the mornings. Maya had offered to be there, but Riley just wanted to delay actually facing Lucas and her in person for later. She had already talked to Farkle and Zay who had both promptly apologized.

The person standing in front of the mirror was different. That one kiss, the display of Lucas and Maya, had truly changed everything. It solidified her doubts and maybe it hurt, but she knew it was for the best.

Now, she was a changed Riley. For the first time in years, she didn't call Maya to talk about tomorrow's outfit. No, Riley was truly being herself. She was finding herself without anyone else influencing her.

 _Baby steps, Riley. Baby steps._

Even Riley could admit that she dressed herself different today. Instead of patterns and long skirts, she chose to dress in ripped white jeans and a plain pale blue shirt with white letters embedded with the words "Free Spirit." Schools always said that the way a student dress was emblematic of their own individuality. She had been so stuck on trying to be Maya, to impress Lucas, to make all her friends stick with her that she had lost herself along the way. This classic and simple style was her, not sparkles and glitter and sequins. Riley never needed that much to begin with.

Her nerves danced across her body in tingles. It was impossible not to feel nervous about how people viewed her. She felt so stupid, so used, to have people all across the halls know that Lucas and Maya were together and that she was just that old crush that he used to have that was still hung up over him. Today, Riley would prove that she was not that person. She was someone who didn't have to be referred to as "Lucas's Ex" or "Maya's best friend." Today, she could be called "the girl on the TedTalk" or "the girl who's created a blog worth two million dollars."

Riley smiled unconsciously at the sound of those words. Her rising activism, her blog, her economics, and her gymnastics were what made her special. In those fields, she was revered as something great and never stood in the shadow of someone else. Riley was an equal individual out there.

"You can do this," she said to her reflection. Riley could catch every single body movement that gave her vulnerability away. She didn't even need her own natural skills at picking up body language to know that she was incredibly distressed at the moment. Her hands were shaking and her oral fixation that she thought she had gotten under control months ago was back.

"It's just Maya and Lucas, Riley." _Just Maya and Lucas._

Her sweaty hands wrung together and she threw them up and down a few times until they finally stopped shaking. "I'm okay."

Looking into the mirror, she was flawless. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought that she was telling the truth. She would've thought that she was okay.

But Riley Matthews was so far from okay.

* * *

Riley was about to sprint out of the school the second she walked through the doors. Her denim jacket that was wrapped around her waist felt as if it was dragging her to the floor-or was that just her nervous shaking? All of her pep talk and all the preparation had vanished the second she had taken off her sunglasses in the freshman locker hall where everything had gone to hell.

Even though Riley knew it was her own paranoia kicking in, she could practically feel people judging and staring at her. They knew that she wasn't good enough to land Lucas Friar, and they knew that she was the girl who had lost the love of her life to her best friend. The story was truly tragic to begin with but _obviously_ she was over it.

Her gentle walk with her keds quietly tapping the ground had become an all out strut to get out of the lockers as soon as possible. She knew by heart where Maya and Lucas's lockers were and she tried walking even faster when she passed by. Riley even thought that she had gotten away with it when she heard an all too familiar voice call out through the echoey hallway.

"Riley!" She tried to move faster and put on her sunglasses rashly as her eyes began to prick. There was just too much suppressed hurt down in those irises. "Hey, Riley, wait up!"

His hand gently grabbed her wrist and she did all she could to keep from snapping herself away. She wasn't like that. Riley was not going to be upset over her best friend and her close friend's happiness. She wasn't going to be that girl.

"Hey." Riley said through loud breaths, her words coming out almost as if they were air itself.

"Hey, you."

A silence passed over them as both of them raced to find thoughts. Every thought was interrupted by the next and there was too much to convey between them. The tension was too thick for the first time ever, and it was extremely difficult to even stand within the space of one another.

Riley broke the silence first. "I-I have to go," she stuttered as she pushed open her locker. She dug her face in to avoid communicating with Lucas and prayed to all the deities out there that he wouldn't be there when she went out.

But, obviously, he was because even the gods seemed to hate her.

Lucas's green eyes bore into her with regret and guilt. "I'm so sorry, Riley. For everything. You don't deserve-"

"It's okay." Riley said. _But I'm not_. She was ever so glad that she was wearing sunglasses for her eyes were already beginning to water. There was no doubt that, if the conversation prolonged even further, she wouldn't be able to control herself. "I seriously have to go now."

"You're lying." His eyes burned with a passion. It was one of the things that Riley used to love the most about him. Whenever he was passionate about something, his green eyes would light up and his voice would immediately change but never in a bad way. "I know you're lying, Riley. You're not okay and, frankly, I need to explain-"

She shook her head. "No, you don't. You and Maya were always inevitable."

"But you and I are inevitable too!"

Riley's eyes widened. Shock hit her head first and her emotions didn't know how to react. One second she was angry that he chose this time to tell her this and the other second she was simply sad that he was too late. Maybe it was because she had never really felt anything for anyone besides Lucas and now...now she did and Lucas was trying to bring her back.

He was confusing her and she hated it.

"What did you say?" Her voice was quivering and they both knew that she knew exactly what he meant but no one said a word.

Lucas took her hand placed traced patterns on it. She didn't have the heart to pull it away. His hands were comforting and everything that reminded her of the old days when it was Riley and Lucas, the couple meant to be. "We'll come back to each other no matter what. I have no doubt about that."

He waited patiently for her reply. Lucas knew how much she liked him. Sure, maybe he had a girlfriend right now and he was most definitely faithful but...this was Riley Matthews. She deserved to know that he loved her.

Only she didn't reply. Her body began to tremble and her jaw was clenched tight as if she was trying to hold herself in check. Her hand fell from his grasp and she took a step back, solidifying her message without words.

"Riley-"

"Why now?" Riley said, her voice betraying her body. There was so many emotions clouded together and she couldn't control a single one of them. "Why now?"

He shook his head, trying to find the words. Out of all the reactions he had pictured, this was not one of them. For once, Riley Matthews had became a source of unpredictableness. He couldn't read her and he couldn't even tell if she was upset or not if not for the unreliable tone of her own voice.

"I know I'm not too late-"

"Why now?"

Lucas ran his fingers through his hair in a distressed motion. He couldn't have lost the girl he loved. "I-I don't know. But I know for certain that we can't be friends. No matter what, we're more than that and you know it."

Riley inhaled and exhaled noticeably to keep herself in check. She had thought that they had always been over just regular friends but, evidently, that wasn't true for him. "Go to your girlfriend. She loves you and you love her."

She walked away before tossing a glance back at the crumbling boy by her locker. In a voice so small that only the two of them heard, she said two little words.

"Goodbye Lucas."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I hope you like this chapter. It's not the end, I promise! Let's just say that the next chapter might be a bit of a time shift, but nothing too significant. For you Rucas shippers, I promise that your time will come. I hope you guys keep reading and I promise that it'll get better!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Kadecca**

Maya sat down to Lucas, both of their backs pressed to the oak. The bristles of the tree stung her back, but she ignored the painful feeling. There was just so much to be said between the two of them on the top of the serene hill yet words couldn't convey what she was feeling.

This was their senior year.

They were supposed to be out there going to parties and jumping in pools. Maya was supposed to be spending whatever time she could with her best friend because heavens knew that Riley was going places even if Riley didn't know it. Maya was supposed to be swinging an arm tight around Farkle and shoving Zay into the wall.

She wasn't supposed to have dated Lucas.

"Maya...we have to talk."

The words hung in the air for what seemed to be another eternity. It was obvious that Maya felt things for Lucas but, when it came down to it, it wasn't worth all the pain and misery. Their love hadn't been so strong. It had been naive, reckless, and the entitlement of a rash senior year. Ever since middle school, there had been an underlying attraction between the person Lucas saw as the blonde beauty and himself. There was fire between them, and he couldn't resist the crave that he used to seek every day back in Texas. He should've known that the fire was his own downfall.

She bobbed her head and sighed noticeably. Their hands laid far away from one another.

"Farkle and Zay haven't said a word to me. Josh blocked me." Maya said. Her voice cracked and a rush of despair hit her. All of this started because she wanted Josh in all the ways he didn't want her. Now she realized that she had lost him. More importantly, though, Maya didn't have the one person who always saw the light in her and if that individual didn't come back...well, Maya would simply just be lost.

"Riley's in denial." Lucas spoke, his own voice scratchy and wandering. Zay had just clapped him on the back in either disappointment or pity (or both) and walked away without a word. As for Farkle...he had always been protective of Riley and after awakening from his middle school crush, Farkle had found a sort of connection with the girl similar to a siblings. When Lucas tried to get his attention in the hall, Farkle had just turned his heel and left wordlessly. Lucas would love to say that everything felt so unfair and unjust, but all the actions were called for. He had, after all, turned two best friends against each other, lost the girl he loved, hurt everyone around him, and split the undividable group apart with only Maya's help.

Maya shifted uncomfortably. "She's been talking to Seth."

Her comment was posed out there seemingly innocently, but Lucas knew better. He knew that Maya was trying to provoke him to address the real issue she had come to terms with. Maya knew that he still loved Riley and that the extra fuel would allow him to sever ties with his own loyalty and end the toxic relationship before he burned anything else in his path. He had even hurt Riley and if he could do that, he could hurt anyone.

"Riley shouldn't be."

Maya smiled weakly and slipped her hand into his. While being in a relationship, they had been remarkably physical with one another. Making out and hooking up were their primary shows of affection, and the physical side of themselves had been elicited throughout time. The two of them flew straight to the danger and rebellion within them. Gentle touches like holding hands and soft squeezes in the hand were rare if not completely absent from their whirlwind of a relationship.

"I know," she said softly, "and now it's time for you to be there for her. At least be there for the last few months."

Maya turned to Lucas so that they were finally meeting eye to eye. His eyes were sorrowful, regretful, and guilty. They always had been so expressive.

"She's thinking of Rice or University of Chicago, you know? Her blog has been making so much money but she's been using it all across the world."

Lucas's eyes widened. The last time he had heard, Riley had simply stated that she was going to attend NYU with Maya if she got in. Riley hadn't told him of any of her other plans, although he was pretty damn sure that she had disclosed that information to Farkle. Now that she wasn't going to NYU simply to be with her best friend…

He had no doubt that both schools would accept her. With her mother and father's low income, she'd need some sort of scholarship to get into those prestigious schools and, that too, he was sure she would receive. When he'd prompted her to start a blog after a heated discussion she had with her father about the limitations she had and how she couldn't make that big of a difference in the world at the age she was at Lucas had never expected the outcome. He had supported her through everything but not once could he have imagined that her business would be such a success.

Lucas was proud of her but he couldn't help but feel abandoned. In the last three weeks, he had done stuff he had never done before. He had skipped class and he had allowed his grades to drop below what Cornell expected of for the veterinary school. Now that he was finally reaching a separation between him and Maya, he could practically feel himself rushing to fix those grades. When he had been with Riley, she had always made sure that he finished his work even when he was trying to distract her.

"She wants to get out of here, doesn't she?" Lucas practically whispered, his eyes stinging. There was no reason for her not to. Her relationship with her parents had started to deteriorate over time as she spent her heart and soul on her own work. Corey had always thought that Riley's activism had been too much for her and, by the time he had said something about it, Riley had already grown too attached. They fought often, and she always pretended she didn't care but he had seen her crying by the window on more than one occasion.

He could hear Maya sniffle next to him. The heartbreaking sound practically answered his question. A weight settled on his heart and he was left with too many options that could have catastrophic consequences.

Lucas knew that if he tried hard enough, he could get Riley back. They were each other's anchors and there was nothing that could change that. He'd take her away from Seth and she'd come back to him, as whole and gorgeous as ever. Maya was beautiful, but Riley was prettier than the sun.

Inside, he knew that Riley wouldn't leave him if that happened. She would give up her dreams for him and Maya, and that simply wouldn't be fair.

" _Hey!"_ A familiar voice echoed over to Lucas, a voice he could never forget. Riley bounced into his sight, running and giggling as she tripped over her own feet. Her laugh was so beautiful and melodic and he couldn't get enough of her. Riley's brown hair practically glowed as she ran past Lucas, not even paying attention to those around her.

He watched as she jumped into his arms. Lucas wrapped her close, muttering apologetic words in her ear and kissing her head silly. Riley's faint smell of vanilla was ubiquitous as he cuddled her in against his lap.

Except she didn't.

He saw her jump into the arms of another with those gray eyes he hated. He watched as Seth made her laugh. Lucas could only look on as they wrapped each other in an embrace and didn't let go. She was saying incomprehensible things, but the smile on her face was so genuine.

The way she looked at him wasn't the way she looked at Lucas but it was pretty damn close. She evidently liked him, and even he could tell that he made her happy. Lucas had changed himself and if he could, Seth might have. After all, Riley changed people.

The mixture of the grey eyed boy with the caramel hair and the brown eyed girl with chocolate strands wasn't expected. It was different, but it wasn't like Maya and him.

In those seconds, he decided what he'd do. He'd let her go. Lucas couldn't be selfish and take Riley away from one of the only people she had ever liked since middle school. He couldn't just take her back after committing such a big mistake. Lucas would only keep her from being her best self, and that'd be terrible of him.

If it really was meant to be, she'd come back to him.

 _Someday. One day, you'll come back and look at me the way you used to_.

Under his breath, he whispered three words.

 **IT IS NOT THE END, I PROMISE!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! I know I haven't updated in some time, but I just want you guys to know that I'm back! Just as a notice, the reason why I said that Riley's parents were low income was because of the amount a middle school teacher does. I'm sorry that I didn't use the right word because they DEFINITELY don't qualify under low income, but writing just comes to me in spurts. I'm sure some of you have had the same thing. Anyways, thanks for correcting me! Suggestions and corrections are welcome anytime, anywhere.**

 **Another thing, though. This part of the story, from now on, is going to be written more towards Lucas. He's going to see what his decisions caused even years after. The story now takes place about 4 years after, so when all of them are coming out of college. Riley and Farkle are twenty one years and the rest of them are twenty two. Josh is three years older than Maya, thus he's 25. And yes….Seth will play a part in the story.**

 **Thanks for reading, guys! It means so much to me.**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Kadecca Sinclair**

* * *

"Welcome to John F. Kennedy International Airport. We have touched down in New York. The weather here is…" Lucas tuned out slowly, his nerves overcoming him. The sensation of actually being nervous was rare to him, and the fact only served to make him more nervous.

It had been about a few months since he had seen Farkle and Maya. After senior year, Lucas had decided to go to Colorado State University, the third ranked veterinary program in the States, to major in veterinary medicine. Although he had loved the program for his extensive bachelor's degree, he had transferred back over to University of Pennsylvania,which was only a two hour ride from Manhattan, to finish the rest of his schooling for his doctorate. During his stay in Colorado, he had been dumbfounded by how much he missed his family and friends and had been awkwardly convinced by Farkle to move back to New York. When it came down to it, he couldn't choose education over family unlike some notable others.

Like Riley.

He hadn't been in communication with her for all his years in college. For the entirety of senior year, he had seen her leave his side to another's. Lucas had seen her when she jumped into another boy's arms when she found out that her and Seth were going to attend the same university. At one point or another, he was about to tell her everything, that he had made the decision and that he loved her, but of all people _Josh_ had told him to stay away.

 _Lucas looked at his feet, questioningly. Did he really have the right to say it?_

 _As he stared at the couple in front of him, his feet suddenly loosened it's grip on the ground. All hesitation was lost as he practically marched over to them. She deserved to know before the year came to an end whether she'd take him back or not._

 _A hand reached out of nowhere and almost tripped him. Lucas tried to keep walking past while muttering a quick apology, but the hand didn't budge._

" _Lucas."_

 _Josh looked at him with a sympathetic look that almost bore into him. Lucas's face flashed with recognition as he realized where he had seen Josh look like that, or to be more specific, at who. He had seen the same facial expression when Josh had looked at him and Maya._

" _Listen, Lucas. I know what you're going to do, but you can't do it."_

 _Josh's words were gentle, but firm. There was no getting past him on this issue. "Why not? She deserves to know, Josh. She deserves to have-"_

" _Have what? Someone who'll just confuse her in the end? No, Riley doesn't deserve that." Josh motioned to Seth and Riley. She was cuddled into his side with an undeniable grin on her face. Riley just looked so happy and so beautiful like that, and in those moments he knew he couldn't bring himself to ruin that. After all, he had his chance and he had to allow her to have her chance even if it was...away from him._

" _Why does this happen?" Lucas's eyes were still stuck on the pair sitting on a picnic blanket in the green park. It was the same park that he had had his talk with Maya so long ago in. It was the same park that his decision had happened, and now he couldn't even hold true to it._

 _Josh shrugged next to him. To anyone else, it might've seemed as if Josh really didn't care, but Lucas knew better. The two were in the same situation, frozen in time because they had blown their chances. If anything, Josh just looked sad._

" _I guess it's what they say. The moment you realize that you love someone, they're already gone." Josh finally said, his words coming out more as breaths than anything. "No matter how well he treats her, it won't be the same. Riley doesn't love him, you know? Not like how she loved you._

" _I don't think she'll ever love anyone the way she loved you."_

 _Lucas's heart clenched and his breath hitched halfway. "You really think so?"_

 _Josh shook his head with a sad smile on his face. He had always liked Lucas and, when it came down to it, he had always imagined that Riley and Lucas would be the end._

" _I know so."_

Needless to say, Lucas was so far from over Riley. Yeah, he had dated a few times during college with some nice (and not so nice) girls at Colorado, but that didn't mean anything. Those were flings in a rash attempt to get over the girl who had been on his mind for more than eight years.

Those girls were pretty party girls that brought out the fun in his fraternity, but they weren't the ones he wanted. Lucas wanted a girl that wouldn't listen to him when she knew she was right, and he wanted a girl who brought the best part of him out. He wanted someone who reminded him to do work to make sure he could keep up with his goals, and he _needed_ someone to ensure that he wouldn't hurt someone the way he had hurt her. It all came down to Riley in the end.

Lucas hadn't checked her blog in so long but, from what Maya and Farkle said, her business was a complete success. Riley had even graduated the year before in order to have enough time to do everything she wanted to do. Of course, he had expected that. Every corner he walked, he could practically feel the stare of her eyes from the magazine racks praising her as the next break-out humanitarian of the century. She had gone on to do interviews with the UN, was welcomed as a hero to second and third-world countries, blogged on the multimillion dollar blog, and held important trading stocks at Wall Street all at the same time. From what Farkle had said, Riley was working day and night to get her latest project afloat which Zay deemed a "masterpiece" while trying to balance all the other ones.

Lucas was genuinely happy for Riley, and now that he saw how great she could be without him, he was left wondering whether she ever really needed him. He was the one who had brought the idea of the blog together, but it was all her work that made it the success it was. She was extraordinary, and it didn't matter if he was there or not because she would've found her passion anyways.

He often wondered what would've happened if he hadn't dated Maya for those stupid three weeks. For one, Maya and Riley would still be friends. He had single-handedly broke the strongest friendship he had known. Of course, Riley had forgiven Maya but it had never been the same. After the incident, Riley and Maya grew apart despite Maya's constant attempts to bring them back together.

As for the rest of the group, he was sure that Farkle and Zay would be closer as well. Both of them still held the whole thing over Lucas's head like a dead weight and it wasn't exactly the best sensation. Most significantly, however, he'd have Riley. Riley and him would be together, studying and laughing with one another. It was funny how fast his heart began to speed up when he even thought of that.

"Sir, are you in need of assistance?"

Everyone on the airplane had already left. He was alone in the aisles save for the young flight attendant that was 100% checking him out as if he was a piece of candied meat on his father's ranch.

"Nope."

* * *

Lucas tapped his foot impatiently. Farkle always had a tendency to either be two hours late or two hours early. Lucas had only hoped that the first option would come true but, evidently, Farkle wasn't at the airport.

His obnoxiously annoying ringtone rang, disrupting the entire room. Lucas could practically feel the glares of the mothers near him trying to get their children to sleep. It wasn't completely his own fault that his ex-girlfriend Vanessa was a Computer Science major and, when he dumped her, had installed some sort of thing on his phone that changed his ringtone permanently and didn't give him the choice to change it (he bribed Vanessa's best friend to remove the naked picture of her as his wallpaper). Vanessa was the one and only incident in which he used online dating within the campus. When he dumped her, she had reigned hell on him despite his courteous and gallant gestures of _friendship_.

"Lucas here."

A loud voice boomed from his phone and crinkled in pitches Lucas didn't even think were possible. He quickly turned down the volume after (almost) dropping his phone on the ground. Considering his track record, he was surprised he had even lasted five months with his iPhone.

"I'm really, really sorry but I had this whole thing with Izzy and she was so happy and I got caught up and bro I'm super-." Lucas mentally groaned but made sure not to express his true feelings outwards. To be honest, he was super happy for Isadora and Farkle. She had outgrown her old self and now she was P.h.D certified in Quantum Physics. On the more literal side, she had literally grown. Her stomach now held a little baby bump holding the kid who was destined to either be the one that saved the world with his intelligence or destroyed it.

Lucas sighed. "It's okay, Farkle. I'll just take the cab home or something. That reminds me, your penthouse right? 5th Avenue, Madison Square Park area?"

As far as Lucas knew, Farkle owned a large luxury penthouse that he shared with Isadora. Maya had called it a "palace" and the place where she'd go if she ever needed to run away because no one would be able to find her considering the size of the penthouse. Farkle had about two extra bedrooms the size of eight of Lucas's dorm rooms each and had been more than willing to have Lucas take one. Honestly, Lucas was pretty sure that the whole pregnancy thing was stressing Farkle out more than anything.

He dragged his heavy backpack holding all of his college folders and important technological items and his luggages and duffel bags to the taxi center grudgingly. If Isadora wasn't pregnant, Lucas would've killed Farkle the second he got there. The time difference wasn't that bad, but the whole ordeal or being on the plane for so long was absolutely destroying Lucas.

The guy at the front desk looked at Lucas with a look of pity. Obviously more cases than him had experienced being forgotten and left at the airport.

"Girlfriend didn't pick you up?" The clerk asked, his eyes genuinely concerned. Lucas snorted. Unless Farkle was his girlfriend, the answer to the question was an absolute no.

Lucas just went with it, however, because he was just too damn tired to do anything else. He just wanted to sleep the whole week away (or maybe the summer) without having to worry about anything or _anyone_ before University of Pennsylvania began in the fall. As he sat in the uncomfortable taxi with a guy that smelled like cigarettes and rotten bacon, Lucas looked out the window. At first, he shoved his head out just to get a breath of something that _wasn't_ worse than a garbage dump, but he was rewarded with something far greater. The magnificent lights, the tourists clamoring around to get to their hotel ASAP, and the honks of the taxi drivers cursing at one another felt...nice. It felt like home, as if he had finally found himself once more. Lucas knew that he was right to follow Farkle's advice to just go back to Manhattan and study closer to home.

"Here."

Lucas payed the taxi driver while almost cringing at the feel of the money just slipping from his hands. Throughout college, he had mostly fed himself over instant noodles and cheap bottomless fries from the local Red Robin's. His friends and him had been tossed out of the restaurant a multitude of times from just ordering one drink and one hamburger and eating off the bottomless fries and refillable drinks. A student's got to do what he got to do in such a money crunching situation. To be honest, Lucas felt like college was just a way for administrators to make money by making students pay so that when the student gets famous, the school gets credit. All in all, college was awfully overpriced and just _so_ expensive.

The upperclass side of Manhattan was more foreign to him. John Quincy was more South, but the place that Farkle had purchased was more near the North West side. The lights of the tall buildings were blinding and made Lucas immediately doubt whether he'd actually be able to get a wink of sleep.

As Lucas dialed the number for Farkle's penthouse, he was struck with an awfully familiar memory. He had went to Riley's apartment countless times with the same procedure, and so many good times had been rooted there. The four of them (plus Zay) together were the gang, and the desire to have them back like that was incomprehensible

"It's Lucas." The door immediately opened without need for another word, and Lucas walked in with an awestruck expression. Cleaned marble tiles were under his dirty feet and the smell of lavender scents were plastered deriving from the beautiful scented rock sculptures near the windows. The main office person waved him ahead, and he passed through another set of bulletproof glass doors lined with silver detailed patterns. The waiting rooms and restaurants on the bottom floor were beautiful and luxorious and, according to Farkle, there were more shops downstairs including one of the most famous and expensive restaurants. God he hoped that Farkle would cover his bill.

An iPad was attached in between all of the glass elevators with both a game for those waiting and a slot for Lucas to type in which level Farkle was on. As he waited for the next elevator while playing some World of Warcraft-like game and snacking on the cheesecake platters on the table, Lucas basked in the feeling. He could so get used to this lifestyle. Him, Zay, and Maya were the only ones still in college like the normal people they were.

By the time Lucas got up to Farkle's tall penthouse, he was about ready to spend his whole home-coming inside of the building. The complementary bowling alleys, pool tables, sophisticated _real_ pools, rooftop sports center, and technology room were all to die for. The complementary food was absolutely delicious, and Lucas had already stuffed about three jars of homemade New York chocolate chip cookies in his backpack.

The second he stepped into the penthouse, he was tackled down by a much smaller figure. Isadora's face appeared above his and her gleaming smile and the belly she was carrying around made him hug her back gently. Isadora and him had gotten a lot closer over the years. She was the only unbiased person (in matters related to Riley at least) he could talk to, and her talks definitely put some confidence in him.

Lucas clapped Farkle in the back afterwards and set his stuff in his "new" room downstairs. Sure enough, Isadora and Farkle's room was upstairs along with one of the guest rooms. The whole penthouse was extremely hi-tech, geared with multiple iPads and Macs scattered across the rooms.

"We didn't have anytime to buy you a welcome gift. Sorry, bro." Lucas shook his head at Farkle, almost bursting into laughter. The King size bed, closets and drawers, couch, TV, computer, fancy rugs, voice-commanded lights, and desks were more than enough for Lucas. Maya was right; Farkle's "guest" rooms were the size of nine times his dorm.

"It is so fine, Farkle. _So_ okay."

After Lucas changed, he walked out of his room and down the hall to attempt to catch up with Farkle's distress at Isadora's hormonal changes. When it came down to it, Farkle was still just a kid and he was _absolutely_ not prepared for what was going to come to him. As Lucas walked, however, he noticed the large room next to him with the door slammed shut. He'd have to ask them about that later.

An amazing smell wafted into Lucas's nose as he walked closer to the pearly white kitchen. Isadora grinned as she pointed to Farkle who was making a small portion of pasta.

"Farkle," he said with a shaking head, "you didn't have to make anything for me." The plain food was more than enough with the nauseous smell and bland taste.

Farkle turned his head to Lucas with a weird expression before snorting. "I wasn't making it for you, you idiot." He poured the food into a bowl and put a fork by it before walking out with his apron on. Lucas laughed until he was almost on the verge of tears. It was so hard to take Farkle seriously with a pink and white daisy apron on that had small splashes of sauce here and there. Out of everyone, he hadn't expected Farkle to learn how to cook.

"If you're going to laugh so hard, why don't you take this over to the room next to yours!" Farkle grinned while trying to keep an angry and intimidating face at his best friend.

Lucas's eyebrows knotted in confusion but he kept laughing. Did Maya move into the room like she had said she would? Zay? One of Isadora's friends?

As his laughing died down, Lucas took the plate from Farkle's hands and walked to the door. For some reason, there was a weird feeling attached to the place that he couldn't put his finger on. He turned the handle and opened the door.

"Wait-," Farkle yelled as he began to run towards Lucas, but it was too late.

Right in front of the shocked Lucas was a small figure whose face was just as expressive as his own. Her messy bun was knotted on top of her head and she was dressed in mere boxers and a tank top with a MacBook held in her hands. Her face was make-up free and devoid of any effort.  
Yet, she was still beautiful to Lucas. Even in those moments, Riley Matthew was just as breathtaking as ever.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys! Girl Meets Texas was so intense…but now I know Rucas is most definitely going to happen! As for Summer Rain, I'm going to try to get some themes of Girl Meets Texas into my writing. I hope you like it!

Xoxo,

Kadecca Sinclair

Riley's jaw was agape and, for once, her mask cracked completely. There was nothing more surprising than seeing the boy who had broken her heart in high school (that she had desperately tried to evade for the past few years) at her room's doorstep with Farkle's signature risotto.

Lucas still looked... _good._ There was something more mature about him, as if he had precociously grown morally in those years he had left for university, and it had done wonders for him. Yet, there was a part of Riley who could only see senior year Lucas, scruffy blonde hair and all.

Silence reigned between the two for a few seconds, tension and years of pent up feelings on both sides meeting head on. Seconds, minutes, and months flashed before Riley, and she quickly stiffened. She slapped herself internally for showing such vulnerability.

Farkle quickly came into view next to Lucas in a panting mess. He did everything but snatch the bowl from Lucas's hands and shove it into Riley's before pulling the door back to where it belonged, closed and a barrier between the two. Riley was so going to have a serious conversation with Farkle and Smackle after this.

She was left there, shell shocked and incredulous with absolutely no time to register her feelings. What was she supposed to think? Obviously, Riley had known that Lucas was still Farkle's best friend, and that seeing him again was unavoidable, but she had wanted to live in a perfect world where it didn't happen. After all, Riley didn't think she'd be able to handle seeing Lucas after…after what happened at college. Lucas would tell her "I told you so," and she couldn't handle that in the fragile state she was in.

" _He's going to hurt you, okay?"_

 _Riley scoffed. "What would you know about him hurting someone? You changed, he can change too!"_

 _Lucas shook Riley by the shoulders, desperately trying to convey the message he needed her to understand. He knew that when that kid, his former classmate back in Texas, was interested in a girl, the ending was never good._

" _Annabella was sent to a mental asylum. He drove her to the brink of insanity!" He poked Riley in the chest, forcing her to shrink further into the wall. "Marie was expelled for 'false charges' of assault. Nothing good comes from being with Seth and I don't want anything bad to happen to you!"_

 _Riley shook her head stubbornly. There had to be good in everyone and, perhaps, Lucas wasn't ready to see that in Seth yet. Riley saw it, however, and she knew that she could change Seth from the playboy he used to be. Maybe the situation with his exes was a bit extreme, but no one said anything about being involved romantically with Seth. After all, Riley loved Lucas and nothing could change that._

" _Listen, Lucas! I can change people! I changed you, why can't I change him?"_

 _Lucas swore and ran his hands through his hair frantically. She hadn't seen him so riled up in a long time, and guilt was beginning to build up inside of her. "I'm…I'm different than that bastard. Don't you dare compare me to him. I protect my friends, and he ruins them."_

 _Riley sighed, succumbing a little to Lucas. His passion for the subject at hand could be felt from miles away, and she knew that he was doing this for her own good. Riley would never change the belief that everyone could be fixed, but she'd let go a little for now._

" _Listen, Lucas. I'll only hang out with him at school and I'll be alert." His eyes burned into hers as she spoke. "But in a few years," she beamed, "we'll see that I'm right."_

 _Lucas couldn't help the smile creeping on his face. The optimism and light she saw in others was inconceivable, and he couldn't love her any less._

" _Deal."_

Riley didn't want to admit that she had messed up big time. She had trusted Seth and she had paid for that mistake. She wouldn't ever make such an error ever again.

She didn't want to see Lucas's incriminating look that radiated disappointment. In fact, she didn't even want to see Lucas no matter how physically appealing he was to her.

 _Stop, Riley._

She slumped down on the small "balcony" area on the interior of her window. Her room was shaped more like a studio, and the bright and beautiful glass windows added to the earthy feel. When Farkle had told her that she could rent the place (she had fallen in love with it the day Farkle purchased the apartment), she had been ecstatic. Sure, the costs were high, but she could pay them well enough considering the free beneficiaries that came with the penthouse building. There was bowling, _buffets_ , massage service, and, oh, did she mention more _food_? Somedays, Riley wouldn't even exit the building and the days she did as of recent due to her tight schedule and the time-consuming project she was working on, it was simply to grab food and chocolates.

 _Would Farkle take Lucas-_

Riley lightly smacked her head as if she could somehow push the thought of Lucas from her head. It wasn't hard to forget first love.

A sudden realization popped into her mind. Hadn't she heard Farkle talking to someone on the phone about taking the guest room for the summer until-

Oh, she was _so_ screwed.

* * *

Farkle dragged Lucas with force that Lucas didn't even know he possessed. Lucas plopped onto the plush white couch across from Farkle and Isadora who was simply wearing a bemused expression.

As for Lucas, he was utterly lost. Why was Riley there? Why did she look…different?

Riley was still breathtaking, if not even more so. With her hair up in a messy hairstyle and her face devoid of any efforts, she looked as beautiful as he could ever imagine. And he had imagined.

There was something different about her, however. Not only did she seem a lot older, but she also seemed a little more guarded. Her face was like an inconceivable mask and, to anyone but him, they wouldn't have noticed the vulnerable shock on her face when she opened the door. However, he was Lucas Friar, and there was nothing about Riley Matthews that he couldn't possibly know.

"-and Riley is there and I was like, sure Riley come in-"

"Farkle, stop!" Farkle immediately shut his lips together and took a deep breath. Obviously, Lucas was still ready to kill Farkle for not telling him that Riley was _staying_ at the penthouse, but he'd rather have definite answers before killing the source.

"When Riley finished university at Chicago, she became a self-employed worker. She's obviously developed her fair share of companies and some people even help manage her blog, but nothing up top like secretaries and assistants and all that jazz. Riley's too down to earth for that, you know?

"She didn't want to move back with her dad and everything because of all the crap that's gone down between her family and her-"

Lucas's eyes widened. He had thought that the constant arguments between Mr. Matthews and Riley was just a stage that the perfect family would get over.

"What do you mean?" Farkle sighed and shook his head knowingly.

"It's not my story to tell," he said, his eyes sorrowing. The story was quite tragic, anyways, and there was no good ending. "So, as I was saying, she didn't have a place after everything and-"

Isadora exchanged a look with Farkle and he quickly stumbled on his words. Lucas looked at them, puzzled, and knowing that they knew something he definitely didn't. He would definitely find out, especially if it dealt with Riley.

"After-after college that is. So we opened our arms to her and she agreed to the rent. She fell in love with this place when we first bought it and she's been staying here for a few months now."

Most people would be dumbfounded by how close Farkle and Riley had stayed throughout the years, but Lucas knew better. There was no problem on Isadora's side as she adored Riley for bringing the two together, and she had never objected to the relationship anyways.

After the incident with Maya and him, Farkle had stayed on Riley's "side." There hadn't really been any sides (he was just the awkward and jerk-face loner fighting against the army that stood by Riley) but, if there were, he knew that Farkle wouldn't side with him. Riley and Farkle were the _real_ brother and sister, not whatever Riley had said was Lucas and Riley that one year in middle school when they went to Texas. Farkle would have probably agreed to have her stay there at no cost simply because he loved her, but Riley loved him too much to be selfish and take his money.

"You guys keep exchanging looks. What happened during university?" It was only for a second, but Lucas caught the panic on Farkle's face instantaneously. When it came down to it, Farkle and Riley had always been the most expressive ones of the group and Lucas could read them both like a book.

Isadora recovered first, making Lucas even more suspicious. Did something bad happen to Riley?

"Just a few fights with her dad-"

"I know that's not true." Lucas's heart was almost beating out of his chest. Something must have happened that Riley wasn't willing to share to even some of the most important people to her.

Farkle sighed and looked back at the door to Riley's room almost indecisively. The faint smell of risotto was still in the air, and the scent reminded him again and again of the reasons Riley was trapping herself in the penthouse. It wasn't just that she was busy…there were two other reasons.

"She'll tell you when she's ready."

Lucas accepted the answer, knowing that he wouldn't get anything better. Farkle was too damn loyal for anything else, and Isadora would stick with Farkle's decision. Plus, Riley and her had gotten a lot closer through the years.

Yet, one bulging question remained on his mind, begging and pleading to be noticed above all the other questions swirling in his mind.

"Does she have a boyfriend?"

Farkle looked at Lucas steely for about two seconds before bursting into laughter. As his laughter declined, a foolish grin that reminded Lucas of all the years past grew on Farkle's face.

"You want her back?" Farkle attempted to put on a serious face, but the remaining hints of laughter and silly grins betrayed the message he was trying to convey. He knew the question was coming, but that didn't prepare him for the bluntness that Lucas had.

Lucas raised his eyebrow before laughing back with his brother. "What do you think?"

"True answer?" The laughing died down for a spare second. "No, she doesn't. Not after university."


	8. Chapter 8

Hey guys!

I'm sorry I haven't updated in some time, but life has been hectic to say the least. Turns out, my biological mother who practically abandoned me as a child wants to get back in my life, and I've just been lost. My biological mother is still on probation, but she has been asking for me a lot at my foster family's home through the phone and everything. Everything has been hectic, but it's pretty clear to me that I don't want to go back to a complete stranger.

Anyways, enough self-pity and to the story! Don't judge too much on this one...as said, it's been tough this last month. I love you all, and wish me luck!

Xoxo,

Kadecca Sinclair

Riley slid the eyeliner on the tips of where here eyelid met their counterpart. Black traced the pattern, and it gradually moved to outline her eyes. Mascara flowed from the bottle and she lifted her eyelashes high, accenting the darker look. She squeezed concealer out of the plastic container, smearing it on the lower parts of her eyelids so that the red and puffiness from last night didn't show.

Today was a big day, and she'd be damned if she let her childish instincts screw it all up. Her interview with the panel of investors compiled from the partnerships she had made with organizations like the Global Fund for Women were all meeting for her press conference stationed in the UN Building. There was a lot of hype for her latest project (she had kept it secret to make sure that she could present the final product as a success), and she was practically crawling under the pressure.

Zay had told her that she should take a rest from all the stress but, in truth, it was what kept her floating, ironically. Without a purpose and a motivation, she would've crumbled a long time ago. This project, the revolutionary one she had been planning since the day she graduated high school, was the one that kept her in the same building for three weeks straight save for trips to bagel shops and forced meetings with Maya in the cafe. The project also gave her more than enough of an excuse to get Farkle off her case about talking to Lucas again, as well as helping her to avoid Maya and her family

Riley was over the whole thing with Maya and Lucas (that was so long ago, she had _nearly_ forgotten), but Maya hadn't felt close ever since. She knew that part of that was on herself, but she had been avoiding encountering Maya and her family for some time. Especially after University. One look on Riley and Maya would have made her a goner.

Once she was satisfied with the concealing, she smoothed over her blazer and dress. The mirror expanded in the side of the room and reflected the early morning of New York. Buildings puffing with smoke, people scurrying to subway stations, and taxi drivers honking their way through uncertain lanes all on the bottom of a gray sprayed sky.

Riley walked out, cautious, holding her laptop and folders. Her project boards had already been delivered yesterday, and the only other thing she needed was her additional information and projection. Nervousness wracked her body, but she loved every little boost of adrenaline and every quiver of her hand. She didn't hate nervousness; she embraced it.

Farkle had volunteered to go with her to the conference, but she had politely declined. After an incident in which Farkle made her laugh at entirely inappropriate times during a proposal of her office building, she had silently sworn to never let him be on the front row ever again. They were just too good of friends for anything. Plus, her conference was live streaming on the internet, and she was sure that Farkle would watch it.

Sure to her words, Farkle had set breakfast on the table. She grinned as she saw the plate of classic chocolate chip pancakes drizzled with chocolate sauce and chocolate dipped strawberries on the side. A cup of hot chocolate (Riley hadn't had a taste of coffee in her entire life) was on the side, and she couldn't help but smile even larger. He knew her too well.

A post it note on the side told her that he had to go to the doctors for a last minute appointment with Isadora, but that he would most definitely watch her conference. She sat down and practically began to shove the food in her mouth, relishing in the sweet and fluffy tastes. There were two main reasons why she was absolutely in love with the dish.

For one, it was damn right delicious and she had been deprived of food, despite Farkle's best efforts, while focusing on her project. The few morsels she had had were delicious, but the sophistication of Farkle's cooking really needed to settle down. Sometimes, she just wanted some home-style pancakes.

Which led to her the next point. After Lucas and Maya, she felt as if she didn't have anyone to talk to except for Farkle, Zay, and...and Seth, who was a problem in his own case. Zay had his own issues at the time, and she he didn't understand her family the way Farkle did. Corey and her always fought, and too often did Topanga blindly side with Corey. They didn't understand that activism was her life, and that she wanted to make a difference in the world outside of the sheltered New York life she had lived. She wanted to explore the world, not become a teacher or a lawyer as Corey had not-so-slightly pressured her to be. Corey didn't believe that Riley could make a living off of just a passion, and that put her at odds with pretty much everything he said. It didn't help that Riley's cousin, Nina, had came back to town to stay with Corey while she studied at Columbia for a major in criminal law. Not to mention, Nina absolutely despised Riley and called her out many times on possibly disgracing the family.

But Farkle.

Whenever Riley showed up at his doorstep, soaking wet and shivering down to the bone in the middle of the night, he'd welcome her in. He'd grab some spare clothes for her and let her shower while he made tea or hot chocolate to warm her up. Blankets would be laid besides him on the couch, and she'd join him, listening to the soft cracks of the TV as she tried to fall asleep. When she couldn't, or when she woke up in the early morning, he'd make her the same chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries and chocolate sauce. It became her comfort food, and she would relax every time she ate them.

Riley sighed as she ate the pancakes, taking her sweet time. She had slotted extra time to wake up and get dressed and, at this rate, she'd even get to the building forty minutes early.

A noise came from the other side of the house as Lucas walked towards her. His white shirt hung close to his chest, and his hair was tousled by his night's sleep.

 _Dammit_.

"Don't leave, Riley. I was just coming to talk to you." Lucas called, his eyes looking much more alert as they zoomed on her figure. She had been half ready to bolt on her delicious pancakes, and her mouth was filled to the brim like a chipmunk's during fall. Her heart settled with dread, and she wanted to run.

He sat down across from her, and the awkwardness of the situation brought red to her cheeks. Riley's hands were sweaty, and the anxiety building up with everything was more than ever she could handle. She tried to rationalize it; after all, Lucas had been her friend for so long.

 _He's just your friend, Riley. Nothing more, nothing less. You are two friends catching up, and he will most definitely not bring up anything of the past._

He was much more calm and collected than her, quickly taking a bite of the bread rolls in the center of the table.

"I heard from Farkle that you have a big conference today." He stated, his words provocative. His green blue eyes stared at her as she awkwardly pretended to be very intrigued by her food, only looking up fast when he was talking. She was many things when she was nervous, but she was never impolite.

She cleared her throat before speaking. "Yeah. It's no big deal."

"From what I've heard, it's the thing that has kept you holed up in your room for a long time." Lucas's eyebrow rose, and his face clearly showed that he had caught her in a lie.

 _Crap_.

Her phone suddenly rang, and she thanked the heavens for sending a prayer down. She shoved the remaining of her food in her mouth in the _most attractive_ way, and grabbed her stuff, almost sprinting to the door before stopping halfway as she looked back at him. He looked genuinely surprised, yet amused, and that damn smirk on his face reminded her of all the good days they used to have.

"Good luck," he called, his eyes falling into a wink. Riley froze, her eyes widening and her heart thumping at a thousand beats per minute. He couldn't be serious.

Suddenly, a grin made its way to her own mouth. It was as if it was instinct, but the corners of her lips quirked and her own right eye shut in a teasing wink.

"I'll need it."

* * *

Lucas nearly dropped his glass of coffee on himself when she left. Her beautiful, bright brown eyes were back, yet something phenomenal was happening. For one, she was actually on speaking terms with him again instead of completely avoiding him wordlessly. However, she was also more high school Riley than she had been for years, according to the stories Farkle had told him. Farkle had said that she had changed the most, and that most of her youthful cheeriness had converted into mature adult-like humor.

That wink over there was far from mature. He was (usually) a positive person, and he wasn't going to stop believing that she wanted him here, or at least tolerated him, until she came up to his face and said it herself.

The door suddenly opened, and a blob of a blonde mess appeared at the door with a dark haired, tall guy. They were holding hands, and the shine of a ring appeared at the ring finger of both of them.

Lucas snapped around, and he immediately caught the light of the beautiful diamonds. His face stretched in a smile, and a laugh was caught in his throat. Maya Hart didn't look a day over nineteen still, but the ring on her finger said a lot more. Joshua Matthews stood beside her, height difference and all.

"Congratulations, guys!" Lucas clapped Josh on the back and embraced Maya, who was laughing herself. After the years of Maya calling Lucas complaining about Josh's weird issues from lack of sanitary toothbrushes to his obsession with red convertibles, they were finally going to jump the rope.

"Yep. I'm going to be Mrs. Matthews, a.K.a Riley's aunt, for a while." Maya smiled, and the wistful mischief, yet boost of maturity, was enough to make Lucas go sentimental. Josh wrapped Maya in his arms, and Lucas remembered the feeling of being a third wheel once more. It was his official occupation, after all, from Isadora and Farkle to Josh and Maya to his friend Nick and his girlfriend Samantha.

Lucas led them to the living room and sat down on the white couch across from the larger one, motioning for them to take a seat. Glasses of water were already on the desk as if Farkle had been expecting them and, by their entrance, Lucas could tell that he was. Maya reached for the remote, and turned the large TV on to channel 13.

Lucas still couldn't get his mind wrapped around Maya and Josh being _engaged_. The Maya Hart who had sworn off marriage at the age of sixteen would be so disappointed in herself.

"In it the long run, eh?" Lucas chuckled to himself as he looked back on the TV, his words immediately falling dry off his tongue. Riley's face was on the stage, and she was wearing the same slender, black dress while standing at the front of the room. She was looking over her notes, and her doe eyes glanced over every single word. He could tell that she was nervous, and from the growing number of encouraging people in the room, he could tell why. The white projector at the front of the room was behind her, and she was standing in the center of the black stage. The words _United Hearts_ was projected on the long expanse of a wall, and a beautiful white and turquoise logo surrounded the words. Detailed pictures of Riley talking with some younger girls encapsulated the logo in an overall display that took his breath away.

He heard Maya laugh, but her voice seemed a thousand miles away. "That's the new Riley Matthews for you. Beautiful, empowered, and mature."

The ends of Maya's words could sound incredibly happy, but Lucas knew better. The two best friends were distant, and even Maya probably didn't know as much as Farkle did about what was happening in Riley's life. She had been distant to humans without the name of Farkle or Isadora in general.

They watched in silence as the presentation began, and Riley's voice rang throughout the entire room. She smiled at the whole crowd, waving as the crowd politely applauded, and began to talk.

"You all know me if you're here, I'm guessing. But if you don't, my name's Riley Matthews. I'm New York raised and born, and I'm a product of the diverse and, quite frankly, crazy New York culture." Riley said, her voice commanding the whole entire crowd. _Yes you are_ , Lucas said to himself. She was the reason he had survived New York to begin with.

"I've done projects with my foundation, True Hearts, for years now. Ever since high school when a very important person to me first gave me the idea to create True Hearts as a blog, the experience has been beyond rewarding."

All the air sucked from Lucas's lungs. He could feel Josh and Maya turning to him, and he could especially not help the small smile reaching his face. He was that important person...and Riley had to know that he was watching.

"With my co-workers and I, I've helped thousands of young girls across the Middle East, Southern Africa, and rural parts of South America. I've visited rural China, and I've been able to visit all these inspirational girls who have empowered themselves with education.

"Yet, it's not enough. Girls here in America also need help, and they need to never give up. They need to know that there is always an option to pursue their dreams, and no wage gap can ever destroy that. All of us have sworn to the people we have served to never give up on them, and we must fulfill that promise."

The crowd was transfixed by her words, and everyone watching and listening held onto every last pause at the edge of their seats. Her voice was gentle, yet firm. It was fire, but it was the soft fall of snow. Riley commanded the whole entire crowd, transfixing them into a daze. Zay hadn't been kidding when he had mentioned Riley's communication abilities.

"For the past few weeks especially, and the past years since True Hearts was first established and read by readers at home, I've been working on my dream project. I introduce to you all, the Financial Aid Project for True Hearts."

The projector changed, and an animated picture appeared.

"Girls need to know that they have an option for financial aid. With donations, with investments, I assure you that they will have an opportunity to live a better life. They are victims of wage gap but, with the Financial Aid Project, they will not be victims of living standards. With others at True Heart, I will teach quarter year long classes in person about investing. True Heart will devise curriculum to teach women how to invest, and how to be sure in their own beliefs. I believe that, once they learn to buy stocks with full belief in themselves, they'll have both enough resources and trust within themselves to pursue their life ambitions."

Lucas's eyes widened. He had heard Riley talking about it was a senior, but he could never imagine that she would be able to complete such a feat.

"I've talked to my friends over at University of Chicago, and many of my economic major friends are entirely willing to help. We want to make a difference, and we will make a difference. For those that don't have access to our bases all around the States and in some international nations, there's free online curriculum. We'll host awards banquets, friendly competitions, and we'll empower these women of all ages all around the world.

"When women have the power to invest a small portion of our money in order to gain profit for themselves, they can be successful. True Hearts will provide that with your help, and we'll teach them how and what to invest in. Profit will go to both us and themselves, and the small amount of money influx towards True Hearts will go directly to other women who participate in the program. After twenty weeks of preparation, these women will be ready to be independent, and they will be successful and carry on their own promise to teach others.

"If successful, the Financial Aid Project will launch in two months on September 22nd, the national American Business Women's Day. We believe in these girls and we believe in generations to come. The question is, do you?"

Maya shut the TV and a moment of silence passed over all of us. My mind was scrambling to come up with thoughts beyond "wow" and "my goodness."

"My god." Josh said, his eyes wide. Judging from his reaction, he was probably left in the dark as to Riley's project as well. "This is-"

"amazing." Maya finished, the large smile creeping on her face. "Dammit, Huckleberry, say something! Your future girlfriend just whipped those investors' until they won't help but give and give!"

Lucas smiled and shook his head softly. "I know. One thing, though...girlfriend?"

Maya smirked and walked up to him, ecstatic and excited. Her eyes were wild, and Lucas was never more glad that he had broken off things with Maya when he did. They were amazing friends now, and nothing could change that.

"Of course. She's beyond desperate for a good boyfriend," she laughed, twirling herself around. "As for as I know, you're the best choice our little marshmallow has. Don't you want her back too?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then go get her, Cowboy, and don't let her go. Don't make those stupid mistakes like you did, and show that you deserve her."

Lucas grinned wider than he had in awhile. To know that so many people were rooting for him, that they trusted him with Riley even after last time, was so reassuring. There was only one more thing to ask.

"Josh, I know you're not her brother but," Lucas went over to Josh mockingly, "do I have permission to completely and utterly try to make her fall back in love with me?"  
Josh snorted and turned to the door, where Farkle and Isadora were coming back in. "Don't ask me, Lucas, though you know my answer. I've always rooted for you too. Ask the real brother."

Farkle laughed with them, clapping Lucas on the back. For whatever reason, he had a really annoying growth spurt that had pushed him to almost Lucas's height. Chokeholds and fighting was never the same between them after it.

"He already knows my answer. Go for her, idiot."

So that's it! Riley's big project is that, and I promise it'll be incredibly important to the story. Don't worry! I'm getting to to the good part. Next chapter I'm going to introduce an old character...and he's going to mean trouble for Riley, Lucas, and everyone. I'm guessing you all know who he is, but he's going to play a completely nasty part in the story. Tell me if you want this story to continue!


	9. Chapter 9

Hey guys! I know I haven't been updating for a while, and I'm so very sorry about that...writing can be difficult at times. I've made an ultimate decision about my story, and I really hope you will support it. Nope, I'm not cancelling it. I just think that it would be easier for me to write it in Riley's point of view rather than the third person. Tell me how you think about the change (do you hate it or do you love it?) and I'll either rewrite this chapter in the third person or continue writing in Riley's point of view.

Aside from the writing technicalities, I hope you all had an amazing holiday break whether you celebrate Christmas or not! We're all a great big family, and you guys have no idea how helpful and motivating your presence has been on me during my own hard time. Thanks for everything, and I hope you enjoy this next installment!

Xoxo,

Kadecca

Walking out from the building, I felt as if the world had somehow landed me back on my feet. My hiatus from all my other projects (of course I always had people working on them back at the office) had been busy, and I had been discouraged so many times. Looking at all the women and girls who had thanked me afterwards and talking to others who were as grounded as myself made every single second of working worth it.

Every single one of their stories inspired me to work harder. Successful women who had found their way out of their darkest moments could look back and tell their story, but there were still others without the resources and hope to escape. There were also many who had the resources but were too damn scared, _no_ _terrified_ , to even reach out for a little hope. The whole project wasn't only about allowing women to achieve the resources necessary. No, it was to show them that they didn't have to be embarrassed about their incidents and that those moments were not their fault. It was to bring them out of terror and poverty, and install the confidence and hope that could lead to happiness in life.

 _It is so very ironic that you're the one telling them how to feel when you can't even save yourself._

A hand tapped me in the back, and I spun around without as much as a flinch. Take that, the negative thoughts in my mind.

"Zay!" I tackled him, which didn't seem to nudge him even an inch. He was dressed in a suit and tie, apparel that was the opposite of his temperament, and a string of white tulips were in his hand. I grinned sheepishly at the stares around me, and red flushed up to my cheeks almost as quickly. The glares grew friendlier and even turned to small chuckles when Vanessa Babineaux appeared next to him.

I disattached from Zay slowly and gave a quick hug to Vanessa. She was the sole reason that Zay and I had gotten closer and, to make matters even better, she was the main coordinator for True Heart's domestic violence funding section. After a few months and the whole blow-up with the NFL's violence situation, multiple domestic violence charities contacted us. I hadn't had enough time to deal with everything but obviously didn't want to let go of the issue, which led me to call up Vanessa to become the first official employee of True Heart other than myself. "I couldn't miss your big announcement, especially since you've been shutting out the world for it the past few weeks."

"You know you're my favorite, Vanessa." I said, teasing her with a quirky smile. A few others had joined our little group, and chatters were exchanged about everything from our thoughts of the recent Syrian crisis to how our summer was going. Aside from being my amazing co-worker and a passionate feminist, Vanessa was also the owner of a small chain of clothing stores with high and low profile consumers alike. I honestly had no idea how she did it; I was already crumbling with so much work on True Hearts.

A silent alarm nudged in my dress pocket, an invention that remains the greatest to ever come in female attire, and I ushered quick goodbyes before grabbing Vanessa and Zay. The couple was still dating, but that didn't keep me from feeling like the ultimate third wheel around them.

"Thanks for coming, Nessa." Zay gave me a wounded pout, and I resisted the urge to "lightly" tap him on the face. "And I guess thanks for the lilies, Zay. You both have been a great help to me throughout everything. I really mean it."

My voice grew thick towards the end, and Vanessa captured me into another embrace. She knew what I meant, and although she wasn't the best friend who had been there for me since birth, I had no doubt that she loved me like her own sister.

As she pulled away and attached herself back to Zay, she held me hand comfortingly. "You know you've done more than enough for me, Riley. You know," she smiled and let out a small laugh, "with everything as you've so descriptively put it.

"Mr. Zay here and I both owe it to you so don't sweat it. Goodbye, Riley, and I'll see you later." As she and Zay walked away after a quick exchange, her arm raised in a quick wave and the coat sleeve slipped slightly.

Like a reminder from way above, the scar from two years ago fell into view before fading back into the cover of a thin maroon jacket.

We were one in the same, really.

* * *

"Congratulations!"

I blinked slowly as the door opened. A large chocolate cake that looked something like an oversized molten lava cake topped with glazed strawberries and vanilla crema was at center stage on the dining table, and a flurry of unexpected guests were on the couches and near the kitchen. My brain was already fried from thinking and trying to memorize my speech, and I wasn't exactly prepared to make intelligible thoughts out of this.

The room was awkwardly silent, waiting for my reaction. My friends always meant well in their own special ways, and I knew that a positive reaction was the one they were looking for. Plus, I did appreciate a good chocolate cake.

"I love it." I said, almost as if it was a question. I walked into the room like a princess, with everyone watching my steps and Isadora practically yanking my coat off me and into the coat closet.

* * *

Maya punched me lightly on the shoulder, which basically represented our whole relationship. "And then this little girl, this rainbow, decided to drop all of the luggage back into the streets because her wobbly arms couldn't handle it. So, that's what we had no luggage in San Francisco."

I rolled my eyes. It had been one time, one mess up that had stunted years of provoking on Maya's part. No one told me that Maya's two luggages were right on the maximum scale. Her house didn't even have enough things to fill up the luggage, so how was I supposed to know it was the weight of mountains?

My phone beeped for the millionth time but I shoved it back in my pocket. This time was for the beautiful friends and family I had, because I surely considered most of them my family and it wasn't just because of legal ties, and I wasn't going to let my work get caught up in it.

"Did I tell you about that other time when this girl accidently broke into someone's car when we visited Honduras in her one person blog days? Oh my-"

 _Beep_.

"- _that_ was a sight to see ladies and gentlemen-"

 _Beep_.

" _honestly_ , she was just an innocent blob who needed-"

 _Beep._

" _oh_ my god, Riley can you just pick up your phone, please?"

 _Beep_.

I sighed, and picked up my phone. My hands felt as if they were going in slow motion for whatever reason, and I clicked on the message button.

My heart stopped.

I couldn't feel my hands.

My vision blurred.

Everything was a blur from when I sprinted off the couch to when I slammed my door closed.

I scanned the room rabidly, before shoving my hands to the frame of the door and fumbling with the metal before sliding the golden, barred lock across it. I nearly threw myself across the room to my open curtains and shoved them together, the only light coming from the small lamp by my bed.

 _One more_.

"P-L-U-T-O." I said, waiting for the voice command to click in. The door clicked once more, and I slumped down against the corner wall. My room was bare for a purpose, and I could see every corner of it from here.

My hands were shaking and I could hardly breath. Every breath was painful and burned my chest and throat as it quivered through me. I crumpled into myself, huddling in a small ball as I squeezed my eyes, the hot water sending needles through me with every mark and scar it traced.

I could hear someone knock on the door frantically, but the shouts inside drowned them out. Maybe it was just a text, maybe it was something much, much safer than the worst outcome, but there was the chance…

What was I kidding? I knew I wouldn't be able to hide forever from him, and I had forsaken privacy when I decided to become a feminist figure with True Heart. I couldn't have been expecting him to give up, and it was silly to even think of that. Of course he wouldn't. He was obsessed, and I was too weak to show any defiance.

 _It's all your fault._

All of this was just so ironic. I spent my whole life dedicating myself to helping young women, but the moments I was in the situation...I couldn't do a single thing.

 _You don't deserve it. They're different. You were just too weak._

My breaths kept shallowing, and black spots danced across my vision as I struggled to maintain structure. I could feel my body swaying with dizziness, and I couldn't feel my hands and legs. My body felt as if it were tearing itself with every huff and puff, and they etched burned scars across my throat and lungs as I gasped. Anyone could recognize it. _Panic attack_.

I could stop it, I knew I could. I had done it so many times before, and I hadn't needed anyone. Of course I could do this; I had had panic attacks a few times every single month back in University. No one had known of them, and I had been able to stop them every time.

But each time I tried to hold my breath, I could feel a part of me fall apart even more, adding to the fire. It was as if I had double vision, with my eyes seeing the darkness of the wood room and my mind entrenched in a reality of what was very much hell. My hands and body felt two different things as if I belonged to two bodies, one huddled in the corner of paranoid hallucinations and the other feeling terror shoot through my veins and freeze every crevice of my known body. I could feel the ephemeral pain prick me on so many places, each once at a time so I could feel the maximum ratio of dread and hurt.

I could hear the drop of glass, and could feel a splinter impale itself in my leg, blood leaking everywhere. The voices were everywhere, shadows that were waiting. The pain pierced through me and I could feel it dig deeper as pressure pressed it further into me and all I could think was-

A hand grasped my shoulders, and I shuddered. I had nowhere to crawl to, and the bright day of Chicago held nowhere for me to hide or escape to. They were going to-

"Shhhh, Riley, look at me. Look at me, please." Another warm hand landed on my shoulder, and the spots across my vision grew larger. For a second, my eyes focused on the person in front of me, shifting myself from my dark reality to whatever the hell this was.

Blonde curls darkened by the night and a strained smile that echoed the day. Eyes that radiated the sun and my own desperate hate. A face so young and vulnerable with so much love and so much concern etched on every tired, rare wrinkle. Beauty that was so untarnished, a heart so whole.

I was hallucinating again, I knew it. It was the same as all the years before when I imagined his face, his soothing voice and the comfort of warm arms. I was hallucinating him, imagining him being there for me in my darkest moments.

My head tore into another world again leaving me kicking and screaming to get back to that hallucination. I flailed my arms around without feeling the stinging of it as my forearms hit the walls around me, looking around frantically and screaming. I didn't want to go back, _I couldn't go back_.

I could see the dancing shadows across my bedroom again, could feel the black and blue materializing over my body and the feel of stitches and razors. I could feel arms around me, trying to hold me down. Every grip made me feel dizzier and dizzier, and it was a miracle that I hadn't passed out already. Oh god, I _wanted_ to pass out. I didn't want to get caught.

"Riley!"

 _Stairs. Glass. Blood. Pain._

My head seized once more and I let out a scream of pure agony. I didn't have enough breath to move, and I didn't have enough energy to fight exhaustion. I just wanted it to be over, for everything to just _end_.

 _Stairs. Glass. Blood. Pain._

Suddenly, I felt a warmth on my lips. _P_.

The simply touch grew into pressure, and my eyes widened. I saw him, eyes closed and pulling me closer. _L_.

I responded, tugging at his lips feverishly. I wanted more and more of him, wanted to believe that this was real _U_.

He pulled back slowly, as if not to break me, and I kept my eyes closed. I couldn't bare it if none of this was real. _T_.

His hand stayed solid, grasping at the back of my head. _O_.

I opened my eyes and looked around before crumbling back to my corner. The blonde hair was nowhere to be seen, and those eyes that could change from the soothing of honey to the green of comfort weren't there to illuminate the room.

I laughed an agonizing, heart-wrenching sound. It was almost funny how I kept wishing, how I kept dreaming, even though each time I woke up from my panic attack resulted in empty darkness. No human touch, no human reassurance, no comfort. I was in one of the most populated places in the world and I had a blog that millions followed thoroughly but that didn't matter.

In the end, I was always alone and no person arriving here could ever change that.

* * *

Everyone was cautious around me the morning after and I could almost feel all of the stares on me. I had learned to know Farkle's feelings by his food long ago, and the crepes on my plate were currently a reminder that I had scared him yesterday with my abrupt disappearance. To be fair, I had only went into my room. Plus, it wasn't like I was going to tell him something like, "Hey Farkle, I had a panic attack in my room yesterday night because of a text. Oh, and did I tell you that I've had a lot of these and I've just been trying to hide it? And the story gets even better when I tell you how I got rid of it. I hallucinated the guy that was only a few feet away from me kissing me! How was your night?"

But still, I loved Farkle and I knew he meant the best. I truly couldn't be mad at him for anything really.

Maya was up early for the first time in years and was already situated in the seat next to me leaving the seat across from me to Lucas. Again, I felt the awkwardness of the situation bombard me. I could still feel the pressure on my lips, the butterflies and the genuine feeling of _hope_. As I tried to avoid eye contact with him, I could feel his eyes pierce into the emptiness of my face. Needless to say, my cheeks felt like a flowing magma waterfall.

"Morning, Riley. How'd you sleep?"

"Do you want the fruit or the chocolate sauce, Riley?"

"Hey, Riley, did you like the chocolate cake from yesterday?"

I graciously accepted whatever they decided to dump on my platter and answered politely to the other questions. I had even allowed Josh to pour plum syrup on my crepes, one of the top ten things on the list of things I hated. Josh had looked so sincere when he did so, however, and I couldn't turn my uncle's face down like that when he genuinely was concerned.

 _I'm so lucky._

I was thankful, but I really did have to leave. Farkle was already suspicious and I didn't need him thinking that something was seriously wrong. The guy had grown taller and although he was the same sweetheart, he would act on whatever he believed was right, something I might not believe the same in. Farkle had pressured me to do different things many times post-University situation, but I hadn't done any of them for many reasons. If he thought that there was even a chance that I could be threatened in any which way, Farkle would act.

After shoving all my food down my mouth, I rushed over to the kitchen with my plates and dumped them in the sink. When I turned around to go back to the dining room, my route to the door was blocked by another problem. Lucas.

I tried my best not to make eye contact with him once more, but the result ended in a really awkward stare with the suddenly interesting refrigerator and the magnets. The door closed slowly, but the tension grew faster with every second that passed.

"Why can't you look at me?" His voice was low and provoking, and he edged closer to me until it was really, really, hard to look at something other than either his chest or his face, neither of which I particularly wanted to look at of course. Obviously. That'd be stupid, right?

I tried to back away, but the kitchen counter knocked into me and I was left trapped. His presence was intoxicating but, for whatever reason, I wasn't scared. I felt safe and oddly comfortable at the same time that I felt sweaty and nervous.

"Why can't you look at me?" Lucas repeated. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the edge of his lip quirking into a smirk. I wish I could say that I didn't give in, that I was strong enough to resist childish competition, but I wasn't and he knew that.

I whipped my head around and glared at him. I immediately regretted the decision the moment that I saw the green in them, the same one that had glowed in my bedroom yesterday. "I can, see? Now are you going to stand there for the rest of the day or can I get out to go to work? You know, the thing that most regular people go to?"

"You still have a year of schooling to do if you followed the regular bachelor degree cycle and in a school like Chicago, it wouldn't be surprising if it took you longer." Lucas said. His voice was edgy and flat at the same time, and with every word I could feel his breath creep closer. I needed to get out _now_ before I did something I regretted.

I poked my finger in his chest and pressed him back. "I graduated early."

"If you're so smart, you'll tell me what happened yesterday night." He leaned back proudly, clearly unfazed and genuinely unsurprised.

I was touched at his concern, concern I knew was still present in our relationship. I truly did appreciate the caring nature he had, and I could never hold that against him. I had a long list of things I held a grudge for, and the way he cared for his friends was never one. _It was the reason I fell in love with him_.

"I had a stomach ache."

He rolled his eyes. "Bull."

I sighed. "There really isn't anything I can tell you that you'll believe, so what exactly do you want to hear?"

"What happened?"

He moved even closer, a feat I didn't even know was possible, until his elbows were on the counter next to me. I could feel the heat radiating off him, heat that was reflected through the flush of my cheeks. I was uncomfortable in this, but I didn't feel unsafe, a mystery that I couldn't seem to solve.

I really wanted to say something, to let him know the truth. I had never been able to hide my true feelings from him, and he had always been able to read me better than anyone excluding Maya. _Oh god_ , I wanted to say something so badly.

But I couldn't.

"You looked so scared, Riley, and I don't understand that." His voice was shallow, and the intensity of his stare made me shy away from his gaze. A small chuckle escaped his lips, a sound so hollow that it was almost heartbreaking. "Did you really think there was anything you could do to keep me from helping you?"

 _Did you really think there was anything you could put in this window to keep me from helping you?_

I shook my head, barely able to gain composition. When I spoke, my voice cracked and was too high for my liking. "You don't get to do that to me."

I pushed against him, lightly struggling to move out of his grasp. He didn't budge a touch, and I could feel those weak, petty tears of frustration and humiliation hit me head on. My light touches became harder and, in a few seconds, they became hits against his chest that hurt my knuckles.

"You don't get to be gone for so many years and think that you know me!" A stream of tears fell down my cheek in the same way it had yesterday. He didn't have a right to any of my personal life after all these years when I was struggling, years he wasn't there for me in. "Because you don't know me so get the hell out of my way!"

Lucas still didn't move, and I slid down the cabinet surface just as I had done to my wall yesterday night. The situation was everything I didn't want it to be. Lucas saw me weak and vulnerable. Maybe it was okay yesterday because I really, really needed to get of my panic attack, but the second I was actually in the situation with him, I hated it. I hated that I was so weak to melt down like this. I hated that it was all his fault that I was like this.

He dropped down with me, and I couldn't ignore the darkness of his eyes anymore. I looked through the blur of my eyes and the choked sobs that distorted my vision. "You don't have the right to come in here and be like this."

His eyebrows were scrunched together in the concerned, adorable way I had loved years ago. "I know, but I'm here now."

The air was tense, and I was silent for a few seconds. My tears had calmed, and my temptations had became overwhelming. I just wanted to erase the years adding up to this one, to erase all the pain and the anger. All the blame.

"It's too late." I whispered, my movements slow. "Too much has happened for us to ever be the way we were."

"We don't have to be the people we used to be," he said. When he spoke, it was hard not to follow. His passion, his devotion, was admirable. "We can be different, and I swear to you that we will work through it."

"I can't do that." I shook my head, my words so quiet I could barely hear them. "I can't let myself get hurt again."

He grasped my hands and brought them forward, and I could feel my will chipping away. The anger had left me, and the lack of sleep from yesterday was ultimately catching up to me. "I can protect you."

A chuckle escaped my lips before I could stop it.

"Then tell me, who will protect me from you?"

Silence prevailed, and I slowly separated my hands from his. I smiled tightly, and I rose from my spot on the ground. As I was walking out of the kitchen, I heard Lucas speak once more.

"I don't care if we're just friends or if we just know each other but if something is going on with you, I deserve to know. You were the one who wouldn't answer any of my calls and the one time you called me in university, that one Thursday of sophomore year, I was in a math final. So, I'm begging you, Riley, please tell me what's happening because I've always wanted to know. You just never wanted to respond."

"Trust me," I said softly, "I always wanted to."

* * *

That's it, folks! Two emotional, angsty scenes for you all, and it's only going to get more intense down the line. I'll start to move faster, but I really wanted to allow my readers to have a glimpse as to what really happened in University which, of course, will be an important part of the story! And for all those who like or hate Seth, he's already here if you know what I mean.

Hope you enjoyed it!

Xoxo,

Kadecca


	10. Chapter 10

Hey guys!

Life has been plenty hectic…scholarship forms are incredibly complex. Thankfully, it has been helping me with my family problem. Anyways, I loved the turnout on reviews you gave me! Oh you all spoil me too much. :)

So, as a reward, I deliberately pushed away all my schoolwork to write this chapter. I rewrote it a few times, but I think that this is the best option. In writing Rucas and Riarkle, I completely forgot about the dynamics between Maya and Riley and Riley and Josh, even though both of those are incredibly important.

There are times in someone's life when they know everything has changed. I don't know how I knew it changed, but I knew something had most definitely been cemented with my words. I had known when Isadora began wearing baggy shirts five months ago that the dynamic inside of the penthouse would be completely different and that I'd have to start booking venues for the baby shower and I had most definitely known that the moment Josh took my offer to buy him and Maya tickets to Paris that a ring would be on her finger by the end of it. When Lucas had decided to waltz back into my life I was sure nothing would be the same within me. I was pretty damn sure that the genes and glands within my twenty one year old body had also changed because I was practically radiating hormones.

But when I walked out that kitchen door, my body not knowing what to feel, and saw my family out there eavesdropping on every single word and scrambling to pretend otherwise, I was never so sure that absolutely nothing would be the same. My heart was beating so fast even though my mind was so worn in the early morning and the shock and terror residing within my body was still stuck on the scars of my chest.

I watched as Josh instinctively backed up into Maya and Farkle moved to keep Maya steady. It was a chain reaction of surprise and I would have been laughing at the hilarity of the situation if not for the utmost humiliation wracking my heart. I rushed out of the door, not even bothering to grab anything but my phone.

The door slammed behind me and I did all but sprint to the elevator even with no one following close behind. The ride down isolated me with my own mental self while my physical body pressed itself in the lonely corner of the ride. The city seemed to fly by as always even when my whole world felt like it was crumbling apart; I was never not amazed to notice it.

I tried to convince myself that nothing had changed, but every attempt returned fruitless. My mind was inflamed with anger and so many other indistinguishable emotions at the same time. I couldn't tell what I felt, couldn't sort my thoughts from the moment from my true thoughts, and I sure as hell couldn't identify my next steps except to walk this New York street and Uber over to my work pretending as if I was ok.

 _Why did Lucas have to come here?_

 _Why did he have to come back?_

 _What do I do?_

 _Should I call the cops?_

 _Oh my god. Oh my god. Josh. He knows._

* * *

The rest of the day was a blur of colors and zoning out, and eventually Vanessa had told me to go home early. The office was swarmed with requests, donors, investment meetings, press conference planning, and the actual projects we were carrying out as well as training the tiny little artistic intern that I had taken a liking to when I spoke at Chicago for graduation. In Vanessa's exact words, she had told me to "leave the fricking office before [she] punched [me] in the face for zoning out so many times [she] felt like [she] was going to sleep" and to "rest a sleep deprived face."

I was naturally a workaholic so I would've put up a fight against Vanessa, but the combination of the stupid text, the stupid asshole (eh em, Lucas), and the ice cold fear within the back of my mind that hadn't allowed any sleep to slip in in the night was making me avoid home so much more. If I went back, Farkle would surely question me and I knew that if I even slipped up with one word, he'd be the super detective he was and figure me out in an instant. Plus, I didn't really want to see the asshole's face when my knuckles were too tired to yearn for a hit to his face.

I didn't know how I ended up in my room with a container of Nutella and a spatula while watching the busy New York morning like a creeper. I had gotten to True Heart late for the first time in months because of my surprise text which I absolutely did not appreciate and I had been immediately sent back. So, here I was, at 12:53 (technically in the afternoon) repudiating a hearty, delicious lunch made of leftovers from yesterday for Nutella.

Someone knocked on my door and I almost jumped up, the nervous hairs on the back of my neck all stinging up straight. Internally, I knew that there was no way _he_ would have gotten through all of the building securities and Farkle's additional security measures I had practically forced him to install and that there was also no way _he'd_ be knocking, but it didn't seem too soothe my nerves at all. The rambling thoughts within my head kept coming up with so many scenarios and screaming for me to grab anything from the baseball bat I had next to my bed or to improvise my Nutella spatula as a knife, but common sense finally overwhelmed me. I was wholeheartedly surprised that the knocking hadn't seized and that the person knocking hadn't decided to leave by the time I got to my camera. My heart fell back down and I relaxed. Honestly, who would be afraid of the person in front of my door?

"Hey," I opened the door as she walked in, "what can I do for you, Maya?"

She turned around and looked at me. Her eyes seemed to not look at me but _into_ me as if she could see everything in my mind. And that was, honestly, what terrified me the most. I took charge, taking steps and sitting on the soft throw I had placed over the window seat. The wood of the exterior surrounded the two sides, leaving a small strip resembling the famous bay window of our old days.

She sat down on the other side, tangling her legs in mine. Her back was against the wood just as mine's was, just on the other side, but she looked at me as if I was a thousand miles away. The warmth of our legs and our bodies mixed and even though we could never be the same as we were before twelfth grade, I felt a part of my weight lift into the air by just breathing in the same room as her.

Maya smiled and reached for my hand, only to drop halfway in the air. My heart dropped at the same time her face did, but we both recovered at a world record speed. "How are you, Riles?"

I shook my head, smiling slyly. "It's been exhausting since the project started."

"That wasn't my question, Riles." Maya looked up at my eyes, making and holding true eye contact for what must be the first time in months. "How are you?"

I laughed a little, just a small chuckle. People constantly asked me that, asked me how I was, now. Who knows what would've happened if I had been asked that question so many times two years ago or, hell, even a year ago?

"I'm...I'm fine. Just a little tired." I said, my hands beginning to itch. Whenever I lied, I always had this itching sensation within my hands; I had originally thought it was God telling me to stop being a big fat blue liar until I realized if God was real I wouldn't have to walk twelve blocks just to find the closest teriyaki place.

"How about you?" I asked her.

Maya rolled her eyes, pointing at her ring. "Uncle Boing decided to be an insecure little boy today. I took off my ring when I was going to wash all our dishes."

I cringed at what my uncle would have thought at that gesture, but the lopsided grin on my face that arose from my lips couldn't resist laughing.

"Then he had the nerve to come up to me and start doubting all the decisions he made about the ring. I mean, Riles, you had to see it to understand the guy. He was asking me if he had bought the wrong gem, if he had bought the wrong band, _hell_ he was asking me if I needed an even bigger rock. If anyone knows me, they know I don't give a damn about the rock size. Part of the Daddy issue package." She laughed, only speaking once her laugh had died down. "So I had to spend thirty minutes trying to convince him that washing dishes could chip a ring. I started wondering if I was a cougar at one point."

It was my time to roll my eyes. "You two are so perfect for one another. Alumni of John Quincy High School Soulmate Edition."

She had the audacity to just wink at me. "You know you love me."

"Maybe just a little," I said, pinching my two fingers together to show her just how little I loved her. Of course, scale size was a whole different story and, if there was one thing I didn't even contemplate graduating from Chicago with, it was cartography. "And I know you love me too."

"Speaking of love…" I groaned, knowing where she was going. "Lucas?"

I responded with a death glare I was sure would've made anyone else run for their money.

"C'mon, Riley! He's a good guy...and you still have feelings for him, don't you? Almost like an instant connection-"

I reached over to slap her on the arm. Continuously.

"Hey hey now-now stop!" Maya laughed, the sound from her voice carefree. I rolled my eyes and receded, sitting back against the wood. "Lucas grew cuter…and you know what they say. Boys who-"

"Maya!" I yelled. My eyes widened at her and she gave me a sly smirk.

"Of course I'm just kidding. No, but seriously, Riles, he's a good guy. You two can't ignore one another forever eh em this morning, and since he's been back he's been looking to make up things with you. You two used to be so close not only as girlfriend and boyfriend but as friends, and I know he misses that and I know you miss that as well." I tried to interject my own thoughts, my own racing thoughts threatening to spill from my mouth, but she cut me off. "Listen I'm not telling you to be buddy buddy with him. That's definitely not what I'm saying.

"But Riles you two had something, a connection even I couldn't have with you. You helped him, you made him a better person, and you made him change his impulsive and violent ways. And Riles...he was always able to put that smile on your face. Every time you were unhappy, he knew exactly what to say to cheer you up, to make you laugh again."

I looked down, the weight on my heart falling back down upon me.

"He's been back for what, two days? Already he's put you into an emotional spiral. He hasn't seen you in four years yet he's the only one who dares to approach you like that and dares to try to understand you. You've been callous ever since you got back to University for God knows what and I haven't seen you a cry once but, today, you were streaking with tears coming out of the kitchen. He's put you in a frenzy and I know you haven't forgiven him for anything, but he deserves the forgiveness. And you deserve to be happy. So why don't you let yourself be?"

A shiver ran through my body as she spoke, and I could feel my mind twisting with excuses to say to her. I could feel myself digging deep for something to say to her, something to prove that I didn't need Lucas, I didn't want Lucas, and he wasn't as important as she made him sound. Yet, there was that inevitable reality.

"You make him a better person," Maya repeated, her voice more desperate than I had heard her for a while. I didn't know what she was desperate for, whether it was for Lucas to be forgiven or for me to be happy, and frankly she was a few thousand miles away.

" _Your transfer slip."_

" _I'd rather be reminded of when something good happened."_

"You made him calm down even when the person he loved was in trouble."

" _I know what Mr. Matthews says is right, but Riley if you want me to. Whoever this is, I will take care off it for you."_

" _Thank you, Lucas. No."_

"You convinced him that he wasn't a lost cause."

" _You were the first boy I've ever liked, that's a big deal for me, are you worth it, tell me and I'll believe you, I want to believe you, are you worth it?"_

" _Yes."_

"You made him believe in his dream. His dream that he's living for right now."

" _Lucas tell the bull you want to be a veterinarian, it's your only hope!"_

" _I'm going to be a veterinarian."_

"He made you feel important."

" _What am I to you?"_

" _To me, you're a princess."_

"Like you mattered."

" _You're really important to me."_

"Like you were something more than just Corey, or something more than just Topanga. Like you were something unique, something that people loved."

" _Not too bad, city girl!"_

"He knew you better than anyone else, and he made sure that you knew people remembered you."

" _If she thinks something scary is gonna happen, she reaches out and grabs your arm-"_

" _And she doesn't even know she did it!"_

" _It's not your turn, Friar!"_

"And, Riles, I keep telling you this but he made you happy. And he made you feel as though you deserved everything you could've gotten."

" _If it wasn't for you, I don't know if I would have gotten on that bull, and if it wasn't for you, I don't know if I would have survived in New York."_

I closed my eyes. My feet returned to this world, and my trip down memory lane halted too fast. I wanted to be back in the simple days when the worst thing was waking up at 6:00. I wanted to feel that aura of warmth around me. _I wanted to be happy._

I wanted to tell Maya so many things, to unload all those feelings and fears keeping me from being Lucas's friend to her. I wanted to tell her everything. But time had changed and, no matter how many times we avoided the subject, we both knew that we had drifted apart faster than anyone would've anticipated.

So, I just said, "I know."

Maya sighed, her face almost disappointed in _me_. "He never meant to hurt you, Riley. And you have to move on from what happened in twelfth grade at one point or another."

A fire lit up my veins. She didn't have the right to say any of this just because she had decided that Lucas wasn't her match pair and because she had somehow gotten her life figured out with Josh. It was the one subject I never wanted to speak to her about and I had made that pretty damn clear from the moment I had gotten back from Chicago.

"You have no idea what happened." My voice was shaky, shakier than I intended it to be, and I knew it came off in all the wrong ways once Maya's face took on an incredulous look.

Maya shifted off the bay window and she stood up, looming over me. "I know that you were hurt, I _know_ , and I apologized so many times to you! At one point or another, you have to get over it and stop playing victim." My face fell. She could _not_ have said that. "Zay and I had been talking about it for so long. You keep living in the past and finding reasons to be hurt, to be cut off, but you know what I think?"

At the last second, she seemed to regain control, but the anger had already rushed through me. "What, Maya? Tell me, what do you-"

"I think you're immature! It was high school, not your entire life, that we hurt! You said you forgave me for that!" Maya practically screamed, tears streaming from her face.

My face twisted in disbelief. "You think I'd be so stupid to not forgive you for that?! I'm not! I forgave you for senior year and I forgave you for so damn much!"

"Then what's the problem here? I try talking to you-"

"Your actions didn't just impact high school!" My eyes widened as the words left my mouth, and I took a step back. One step turned into two as I watched her expression morph to confusion and two steps became all the way back into my room. I slammed the door, locking it quickly. I couldn't let her get in. She'd be able to dig the truth out of me in a second.

"Get out!" I yelled, jutting my arm out and pointing it at the door. "Get out before I lose it and trust me, you do not want to be there when that happens."

I never really expected her to walk through that door and away from me.

* * *

There was wetness on my cheeks like every time I had fought with Maya, but I didn't remember when it got there. I couldn't seem to feel anything but terror, terror that it would happen once more and terror that Maya would find out what it was.

Maya's footsteps grew further until a door opened and another pair of feet entered. The footsteps grew closer, and I felt the person knock on the door.

"Riley, it's me." Josh. "She left already so it's just the two of us."

There was a pause in which neither of us spoke, and my mind swirled with possibilities. Finally, I opened my door for him, letting him in before closing it again. There was no one else in the complex, but the closed door just felt safe.

He looked me over until his eyes landed on my puffy ones, and what was sure to be a dreadful crying face. "Riley..."

Josh wrapped me in his arms, letting me sniffle and cry. Maya and I might not have been so close anymore, but we were still sisters. We still fought sometimes and, when we fought, I was always worst off. Maya had someone there 24/7. We had switched roles after senior year, with her gaining my perfect life and support and me losing it all.

"Maya," I hiccuped, "You never told her."

He pulled me away and looked at me with a small smile. "You never wanted me to."

"Thank you." I said, my tears stopping. It felt as though I was crying every single day now that the news had come, and I couldn't seem to help it.

Josh's eyes grew darker. "Riley, I know you got my text. The one from your post speech party."

I nodded, closing my eyes to gain control. "I got it. I can't get it out of my head."

Josh gently grasped my hand, holding it between us. "I won't let anything happen to you. Believe it or not, I've already told Farkle. He was about to trash the whole house, but I made sure he knew you were downstairs and that his panic wouldn't be appreciated."

I tried to laugh at Farkle's temper, but I couldn't. _Yet another thing he had stolen from me_. "He might not even be here for me."

Josh lifted an eyebrow and his face turned hard as he looked out the window, but when he turned back to me his face softened. We had grown closer over the years, but especially after that dreaded night when he was in Chicago. The night him and Farkle found out about what was happening.

"You and I both know that even if that is the case, he'll take you as a side package. The guy is dangerous, Riley, and you can't underestimate him. He's drenched in money and he has friends and eyes everywhere. For now, I think you should get a-"

"I'm not getting a bodyguard!" I yelled, rolling my eyes. "I can handle myself, Josh, and if not...well you're here, right?"

"But what would happen if I wasn't there, Riley? Farkle and I can't always be there-people would know something's wrong."

"I'm not working from home," I said with a final tone to my words. Yes, I was terrified, but that feeling wasn't worth my business, my dreams, and my career. He had taken so much from me already…I didn't need him taking what I loved most. Helping people.

Josh gave me a pointed look. "You have to do something."

"And I will! I'll...I'll," I scrambled for words, struggling to come up with a plan that would satisfy Josh's overprotective habits. "I'll figure something out. I'll spend a lot of time here, I'll renovate the security over at True Hearts, I'll take the Subway where there are a lot of people-"

"No, Riley you're not taking the Subway," Josh scoffed. All of a sudden, he stood up straighter and a sly smile crossed his face. _Oh god. No._ "You're going to take Lucas."

My eyes bulged and I shook my head so many times my cheeks turned red. At least that's what I told myself. "First Maya and then you! I don't need Lucas!"

Josh's grin only grew with every passing second. Goddammit. "Have Lucas drive you over to your office on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I know your office has a huge projector within the open space so just work via WebCam on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Lucas will drive you on Sundays to get your stuff since all you do on Sundays is go to a small conference downstairs this building, so you won't have to get a ride there. For conferences and investor meetings, Lucas will also drive you. He'll be your chauffeur."

"I can drive, you know that right?" I glared at him, feeling little more than a small child. "I'm actually pretty damn good at it."

"Fine. You can drive to the meetings and conferences. But to work? Either you stay here the whole week or you let Lucas drive you there. The 240 is busy and by Farkle's main office, so Farkle can pick you up and drive you back or you can take the bus. But to work? You go to work at bad times in terms of public eye, so Lucas will _have_ to drive you everyday you want to go to the office."

"Then I won't go to the office," I said, my mouth gaping open. "This is absurd. You're insane."

Josh smirked. "I'll take that as a yes. Because obviously you could do without going to the office. And staying with Lucas in the penthouse the whole day."

My jaw dropped even more as he walked out of the room.

What. The. Hell.

* * *

I slammed my fist against my table. Day 2 and I was dying. I was going to kill Josh once he decided to show his face around here again. And Vanessa was probably going to kill me for not being in the office. It was a whole vicious cycle.

I took a deep breath and walked out the door, knowing exactly where Lucas would be. I turned the corner and walked to his room diagonal from mine, lifting my fist to knock on the door before realizing it was already open.

Lucas was sitting on his bed, textbooks laid all around him on the floor, his bed, and his desk. Papers were everywhere with highlighted notes and scribbled text as well as some undescribable diagrams resembling something out of a mad man's work. I felt a pang of sentimentality when I saw the three colors. Blue, Purple, Pink.

" _Why do you use those colors?"_

" _Blue calms me when I can't get an answer or concept right so whatever I don't understand is in blue. Plus, you know I always wear blue shirts."_

" _Oh yeah. I'm pretty sure you're more in love with blue than you are in love with me."_

" _Now why would that be?"_

" _Tell me purple! Well actually it's violet, wait no it's lavender but it's a little-"_

" _Purple is for topics I should review before a test but aren't as difficult as blue. Purple because I know you have had an infatuation with purple recently as seen by your purple dress which, by the way, I absolutely love."_

" _What about pink?"_

" _Pink is for facts that build a foundation for everything else and, since I know you're going to ask, it's because of the graffiti wall."_

" _Aww…that was a good day."_

" _When your girlfriend picks a fight with you over the color of the graffiti on the wall while lecturing you about not passing a chemistry final, you begin to attach random things to it...plus it's a good pun."_

" _We're always in the mood for a good pun, aren't we Friar?"_

" _I'd say we are, Ma'am."_

My face softened and the features on my face relaxed. He was in his element, scribbling notes on his notebook and reading faster than I could watch. It was in these times that I missed him the most, missed seeing him so concentrated with his eyebrows scrunched up and the confused slits of his eyes rereading paragraphs over and over because he couldn't understand. I had loved that part of him the most.

 _You helped him be like that. You taught him that._

My mind seriously needed to decide if it was on Team Lucas or Team Anti Lucas.

He turned to me suddenly and surprise colored his face. A small smile reached him and, as I saw his face change, I realized I hadn't hid behind the wall fast enough. Here goes nothing.

"Hey, Riley, what's up?" He looked around. "Sorry this place is a mess. I've been studying for some of the online finals I'm taking. Do you need space to sit?"

I almost laughed at his sudden nervousness. "It's ok. I just wanted to ask if you could…" I took a deep breath. "If you could drive me to my office?"

His eyes widened.

"I mean it's ok if you can't and I'm totally okay with that but it's just that-," I rambled, my mind running and running and never stopping. I didn't even notice when he got up and moved closer to me.

He chuckled to himself. "Riley slow down. It's fine. I'll drive you. It's not a big deal. God knows you weren't that great of a driver back then." My jaw dropped and I feigned hurt.

"I am a great driver!"

His eyebrow raised but he didn't say anything other than, "sure you are."

As I walked away and to my room to get my things, I felt the beat of my heart, the fight with Lucas long forgotten. That...that actually felt good for once.

"Take off in 5!"

* * *

There it is! Hope you guys liked it!

Xoxo,

Kadecca


	11. I Need You to Read This

Hey guys,

NOT A CHAPTER

Please read both paragraphs. I beg of you.

I know. I know that you guys hate having something that's not a chapter and having a note like this, but this is really important. I've been getting Instant Messages on Fanfic and comments on this story that just really aren't nice. If you don't want to read this story, don't. Just please, please, please don't insult me, my intellect, and my plot. It really hurts me. I'm writing the way I want to and if that isn't good enough for you, then I advise you not to read. The reason I took so long on this chapter was because I was trying to make it the best way I could. Riley isn't the pure victim here. She isn't. You'll find later on that she is trying to victimize herself, trying to ignore stuff that is happening for a specific reason. You'll realize that she actually did many things wrong, and that she's so imperfect it's almost hilarious to me that people are calling me a dumbass for making her such a victim. You have no idea where I'm going with this story and even if you did, which you don't, no one has the right to call me these things just for posting my own thoughts and creative writing. I don't care if you are a Lucaya, Rucas, or Riarkle shipper. You do not get to discourage me and make me contemplate not continuing on and disappointing any of those good readers I have. I love my readers so much, and no other reader should be able to attempt to make me stop writing. I could care less if you thought my writing was dumb or horrible, just leave it alone and move on.

As for my readers who continue to read, I love you all. Each and every comment, even if it has constructive criticism, is the best. Every day I check my story and the comments and I read your comments and my messages. Each one makes my day :). I love you all so very much, beyond words, and my writing has what has been keeping me upright during these really, really hard weeks for me. Even if everyone else decided not to read my story anymore, a single reader commenting would keep me writing for hours. I love you all and I'm sorry that this isn't a chapter.

Xoxo,

Kadecca


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